Random Movie: Howard the Fuck (1986)

Oops. The F is right next to the D. So, I figured that since my last post was about a movie that is damn near perfection, I figured (partly inspired by it being on right now) that I would give you my offering for worst movie ever. Howard the Duck. This piece of garbage came out in 1986 and I have a small scar in both eyes ever since, from where I tried to scratch them out. Admittedly, I have seen it more than once. Not really sure why. I probably at one point wanted to bang Lea Thompson and her crimped hair (and Holly Robinson for that matter), or I had some bizarre compulsion to see duck titties again. Whatever the reason, I am ashamed. If you want to see why a terrible movie is terrible (and believe me, you don't), look no further. Piss poor acting, terrible directing and editing, absolutely insane and unfathomable plot; this has it all. I will give you the Reader's Digest version. Howard T. Duck (yeah, that's right) is pulled from his duck planet (which is just like ours apparently, except, everyone is an English speaking duck) by a laser. He lands in Cleveland, and is taken in by Lea Thompson. You can obviously figure the main story out: Howard tries to find a way back home. "But, PBF," you are undoubtedly saying. "This film you are describing. It sounds like it can only be creafted from the finest filmakers. It couldn't possibly be that bad." I assure you it is. And as if it weren't bad enough with what I have already mentioned, let me share with you some of the witty lines: To Howard (obviously), "Listen, bird brain." After settng the kitchen on fire, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." And possibly my favorite bit of dialogue; Policeman: "I wanna see your license, Jack!" Dr, Jennings (possessed by Dark Overlord)," I have no license. I am not Jack." Oddly enough all of those lines are spoken by Jeffrey Jones, who plays Dr. Jennings, the one who accidentally brings Howard to earth and later turns into a Dark Overlord. Tim Robbins is also in it, although I am sure he would prefer me not to mention that, something that his life mate Susan Sarandon can relate to, having been in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, another epic failure. I have often asked myself why Mystery Science Theater 3000 has never done this one. I fear that the answer is that not even they could make this bearable.