Movie Scum

Photo: Warner Bros. Quite a week for family-friendly films.

Photo: STX Entertainment A fake boy and a fake dog? Interesting theme this week at the box office.

Two weeks from Halloween opening. We can do it, guys.

We could have had a brand-new Jason Voorhees film this weekend had Paramount not pulled the plug in what I hope turns out to be a daily ass-kicking around there. So in return, we get a new-ish? horror film and a prestigious biopic.

Creepy husbands or John Wick Jr.? Who will will this round? Mother Darren Aronofsky has plenty of acclaimed films on his resume including the Oscar-nominated Black Swan and the oh-my-god-so-depressing Requiem for a Dream . His movies generally aren’t the standard Hollywood type which makes it all the better that he continues to get the big projects and attract the big stars that normally would be relegated to the single screen Indie theater. I can’t tell you much about Mother ! other than Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem have the seemingly perfect life until he goes a little whacky (shocker). Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer round out the top-notch cast in what looks to be a potential mind-fuck of a movie. I, for one, can’t wait. American Assassin Based on a novel by Vince Flynn, American Assassin looks to be a greatest hits of the past fifteen years’ worth of action and espionage. Dylan O’Brien, who is definitely an actor I haven’t heard of, is going after a ter...

A crude talking anthropomorphic teddy bear and a war hero dog. Which should I take the kids to see? Ted 2 Seth MacFarlane certainly didn’t win any friends after his last film, A Million Ways to Die in the West or his Oscar-hosting gig or the legions of folks who think he’s a talentless hack riding on the animated coattrails of The Simpsons . But I liked the first Ted and I can tolerate Family Guy even if it’s whatever the opposite of appointment TV. MacFarlane’s problem is MacFarlane. His juvenile schtick wasn’t too robust to begin with and that seems to be all he has going for him. Sure, people still like him. I still tolerate him. He’ll be fine with the 13 hour animated block he has on FOX every week. But I’d be surprised to see Ted 2 do as well as the original did. Tides are shifting, man. Max With the trailer proclaiming Max is from the director of Remember the Titans (uplifting!) and a producer of Marley & Me (gut-punching), I think it’s pretty safe to as...

One’s a low-cost remake of an 80s classic while the other’s a big-budget original tale. Who will win? Tomorrowland Having only skimmed advance reviews, I still have little idea what Brad Bird’s Tomorrowland is about save for George Clooney being a curmudgeon and a magical pin that transports Britt Robertson to the titular place. Of that skimming though, I took away that Bird may have been better off taking over the Star Wars Franchise. Verdict: Live Another Day Poltergeist Some might say this is an unnecessary remake (and they’re probably right), but the fact is that kids born prior to the 90s aren’t scared by static on TV anymore than they know what a stinkin’ CRT TV looks like. Some of the scenes shown thus far look good but the whole affair seems to hem quite closely to the original (and still very effective original). Verdict: Just another reel on the cinematic Indian burial ground of needless remakes.

One for the kids ... one for the slightly more grown kids. Pitch Perfect 2 When 2012’s Pitch Perfect opened, it was a modest hit but with tremendous staying power thanks in no part to that damn Cups song. But now Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson are back in a ‘Bring It On’ style dance off after being booted from their competition. Will they succeed? Will Rebel Wilson steal the show again? Will there be another damn song that somehow is still popular a year after the movie premieres? Verdict: Please no more Cups! Mad Max: Fury Road We’ve already covered this one before but guns! Explosions! Tom Hardy! George Miller returning to his roots after some questionable directorial affairs like Babe and Happy Feet! Verdict: It’s Tom Hardy! Of course it’ll be badass.

Two completely different movies just bide our time until The Avengers comes out. The Age of Adeline In my travels, I’ve never really been impressed by Blake Lively’s performances. This doesn’t look too much better as Adeline is in a freak car accident that renders her forever young (that was a movie!). She runs away from relationships because they all die and she doesn’t until she meets her one true love and ... well, we can surmise the rest. This feels like a romance book inspired by Benjamin Button with a smidge of every other rom-com thrown in. Verdict: Let it die. Little Boy The titular “little boy” is enamored with his father and all the wonderful bonding they have together. But, oh no! War strikes and daddy is called away, leaving “little boy” to be mopey until he figures out he can move mountains or something. Kevin James is also in this sporting a creeper mustache. Verdict: Schmaltzy, touching, and worthless **NOTE: Either of these would be better choices ...

One of these things is not like the other. Furious 7 We've already discussed this last week but all the early reviews indicate this entry is fasterer and furiouserer than the preceding films, which were already quite fast and furious. It'll make a billion dollars and you'll probably see it just for Jason Statham's apparently awesome villain. Woman in Gold What appears to be a touching, if ultimately kind of boring movie, starring future Fast & Furious villain Helen Mirren in a valiant effort to get a priceless family heirloom back. And she's aided by brilliant attorney ... Ryan Reynolds? Well, okay then movie. I'd wait for Netflix on this one.

Two potentially good choices this week. Get Hard Will Ferrell is a white-collar embezzler sentenced to a ten-year prison stint. Kevin Hart is a seemingly rough-and-tumble prison-variety fellow Ferrell asks for advice to survive it. Considering both of these actors have a pretty good track record, in spite of the implied racism on Ferrell's part, I'd say it looks decent enough. It Follows Based on the pretty positive reviews I've read, It Follows sounds like another superb entry into the horror genre as a young girl is cursed with a dangerous follower after a one-night stand. As it hunts and stalks the heroine taking whatever form it wishes, it may only be banished by passing it along to another. This will definitely be one I check out at some point.