Movie Scum

As I was revisiting my Eight Legged Freaks review after rescuing it from the obscurity of my old site archive, I began to ponder: why don’t we get giant killer bug movies anymore?

It would be an understatement to say that Puck does not like spiders. Having a traumatic experience where a probably harmless spider dropped onto my pillow at the tender age of six or so and watching Arachnophobia shortly thereafter, I was terribly afraid of these eight-legged demons sent straight from the depths of hell. Fortunately, old age has calmed my general distaste for these abominations but sadly watching Eight Legged Freaks has resurrected this fear. It is funny how horror is such a subjective term. On one hand, the thought of a random serial killer lurching out at you in an abandoned mansion or in the middle of the woods is silly because most serial killers are more methodical than that and not to mention I will never be in an abandoned mansion or anywhere outdoors. Spiders on the other hand are real and demonic and as such, this was one of the more horrific movies I have seen in a while. But then again, I am a wuss. After Piranha 3D opened and relatively underperfo...

Written by: PBF Jesus, where do these movies come from? Apparently from a producer of The Devil’s Rejects . Thanks, movie poster! Razortooth , I assume is the eel’s name. No one ever called it that, but it has sharp teeth, so I jumped to that conclusion. We find ourselves in the Everglades, or a reasonable facsimile. There is Delmar, who is with Animal Control, and can make the ladies wet better than a 15 foot long giant eel can (as you might imagine, what with the name Delmar), and his ex wife Ruth, who is the Sheriff. Delmar is doing Animal Control type things while Ruth is looking for 2 escaped convicts. There are also some young scouts (as in boy and girl scouts, but some generic movie scouts) who are paddling around in canoes. Finally we have some college kids who are meeting Dr. Abramson to help him with his eel project. As you have probably deduced without even having to watch the movie, we find out that Dr. Abramson is responsible for the eel. It is a product of genetic e...

Now THIS is the movie I was looking for! A low-budget, horribly-acted, crap movie to sit and just stare at in amazement. The amazement is born in the terrible plot, forged by lackluster direction, and cemented in the god-awful looking effects. To its credit though, Dragon Wars (or D-War as the cool kids would have called it if anyone else but me had seen this piece of trash) kept me entertained for a good ninety minutes. That’s more than I can say about many other films. The plot (and I use the term as loosely as possible) centers around the strife between a good dragon and a bad dragon. Now, I spaced out during part of the exposition but from what I gathered, the bad dragon wants to have something that is for whatever reason stored inside a specific person every 500 years in order to rule the earth or get to heaven or something like that. During about 78% of the movie, this person is Sarah, played by Amanda Brooks, who was born with a birthmark in the exact and defined shape of a ...

The word “versus” is usually reserved for boxing matches, Supreme Court cases, and film titles that begin with the name Godzilla or Gamera . I imagine that this film was intended to entertain the same head space as other giant monster classics, but Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus falls short of even that minimalistic criteria. This flick comes to us curtsey of The Asylum , a direct-to-DVD company with a rather dubious track record. Mostly, they make cheaply and horribly produced movies with titles suspiciously similar to big-budget blockbusters. Such movies include Transmorphers , Death Racers , Sunday School Musical , and The Day the Earth Stopped , most likely hoping that confused consumers hunting for the latest releases will buy their movies by accident. I'm almost amazed by a company who's marketing strategy seems to have been devised by some giant, carnivorous plant. But I'm not talking about those flicks, I'm talking about a movie with a plot and production valu...