Wow. That last film was exciting, wasn’t it? We got to see Crispin Glover dance. We met the Jarvis family, who live in Crystal Lake. I guess the Jarvis family is like the really old couple from disaster films that refuse to leave their town no matter what danger might threaten them. We met Rob, the hunk that breezed into town to avenge his sister’s death. Most importantly, we saw twelve-year-old Tommy Jarvis give himself an incredibly bad haircut and then hack Jason up with a machete. At the end of the film, as he embraces his sister, he looks at the camera and give us a look that may imply that he is now mentally disturbed, and may possibly hack someone else up. Although I don’t think Tommy would snap that quickly after the events of the film, I did like the cliffhanger implication that Tommy might kill as well. Also, Jason must be dead. He has to be. I mean, Tommy was like Vince with that Slap-Chop, minus that headset. I think I did hear Tommy say, “You’re gonna love my nuts,” while killing Jason, though.
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning opens with Tommy, who is apparently now 15 (which would make it now 1987), having a dream about Jason. The dream startles him awake and we find him in the back of a van. He is taken to Pinehurst which quite possibly is the best mental health facility/halfway house on the planet. For you see, it is in the woods (an excuse to be in familiar scenery without being in Crystal Lake) and operates on the honor system. There are no locked doors, no staff of people to prevent you from leaving or acting out. There is only Pam, the assistant director, Dr. Matthew Letter who runs the joint, and a cook. All the “patients” help out by doing work like laundry and chopping wood. This is the precise setting you would want a troubled boy who killed someone in self defense to be taken to heal. It is unclear why any of the other residents are there. It is also unclear where exactly this place is. Right away, one of the residents kills another with an axe which does not do much for Tommy’s problems. He is haunted by dreams and both aural and visual hallucinations of Jason. After this murder, the townspeople start getting murdered, also. Eventually, the unknown assailant makes his way to Pinehurst and begins taking care of business there. Who is this mysterious murder? Jason? Tommy? Some other dickhead? How long must we be in the dark?!
This movie is a piece of crap. First of all, no. No. A facility like this cannot, nay, must not exist. Secondly, this movie feels weirdly detached from the entire rest of the franchise thus far. Which is funny because all the same elements are there; in the woods, cars that die, rain, naked teenagers. But even with all that and the inclusion of Tommy, it is just not the same as the rest.
I gripe about this film all the time, but honestly I do like some things. I like the attempt to keep the series going, but with Tommy, even though it wasn’t the way I though it would go after the end of part 4. That was a bold decision to make, and a challenge. I just think it was too ambitious for the filmmakers assigned to the task.
This film also did an interesting thing where we would meet certain characters and we were sort of led to believe that they may have a motive to be the killer. However at some point, this was abandoned. All those people just became the same as anyone else; we barely get to know much about them and they are killed off before we ever give a shit about them.
Possibly the most hilarious thing in this film are the deaths toward the end of the film. As per usual, we are walked through a number violent deaths. As the film draws to a close, the bodies of the rest of the characters are either hurled on screen or found at random spots as the surviving characters are trying to escape. It’s sort of like, “Oh by the way, for continuity or body count sake, here are all these other cadavers. Please take note.”
So, yes, it gets the crap category. It cannot be helped. The film is a giant fail and lacks any tension, decent acting, horror and even at some points writing that even makes sense. Favorite kill: decapitation while riding a motorcycle. Partly because of the awesomeness and partly because of the death of a fucking annoying character.
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