Movie Scum

Finally! A television adaptation I can get behind!

Written by: Tabitha Johnson Saying this is the best of the ‘Saga’ isn’t wrong but being the best at an unflattering project is not that big of a compliment. I was not so excited about going to see the film but I placed all my grudges aside. And I was not completely disappointed.

Look, I’m not ashamed to admit that I spent deflated U.S. currency to see this big-budget teenage soap opera in theaters. Well, no, I am a bit ashamed. But that won’t deter me from finishing up the series that has pained my sensibilities for years now. Bella and Jacob are all grown-up, Edward is technically still a creepy old man, and no one ever seemed to ponder whether or not a vampire can knock-up an awkward teenage girl. Now, the world knows the truth as Breaking Dawn: Part I attempts to lay the old vampire-human sex myth to rest once and for all and so the women in the house can get their fix for pale vamp-y boy or ripped, shirtless wolf-y boy.

Written by: Tabitha Johnson So the choice has been made: ‘Team Edward.’ Bella Swan ( Kristen Stewart ) made the decision to be with Edward ( Robert Pattinson ) until death do they part, as per an ironic moment at the altar. Breaking Dawn: Part I covers the wedding, the honeymoon, and the pregnancy as result of their marital bliss. Oh yeah, and there’s a pack of werewolves that want to destroy their unborn child that they consider an abomination. If the first movies were about abstinence, this is a pro-life film if there ever was one.

You might have noticed that it was over a year ago that I reviewed the first and third parts of the Twilight soap opera, err … saga, but not this one. That isn’t by accident nor is it entirely due to my extreme laziness. As much as I kind of liked Eclipse and was sort of okay with Twilight , this movie did absolutely nothing for me to the extent that I wished to rewatch and review it. Yet, the gap in reviews for the series has constantly bugged me and with a forthcoming review for the newest installment (hopefully not by myself), I figured I would suffer for the loyal fan or two that we still have and watch New Moon . And I hate myself for it.

Written by: PBF Ninjas vs. Vampires is writer director Justin Timpane ’s follow up to Ninjas vs. Zombies (which I have not seen). I must apologize to Mr. Timpane. While viewing this film, I sent Puck a text calling this film terrible. I rescind that. There are some terrible things in the film, but I now find that adjective to be not applicable to the film as a whole. Aaron and Alex are hanging out late at night at what is sure to be an unsafe location. They have known each for years, and Alex considers Aaron to be her best friend. Aaron on the other hand, has stronger feelings and would like to be her boyfriend. He vocalizes this and is quickly shot down. To further ruin his night, the pair is suddenly attacked by vampires. Just when it appears a feeding is to occur, a group of ninjas appear and save them. “What the fuck?” you say? I assure you, I type the truth. The group is part actual ninjas, as they practice martial arts, but they are also some sort of X-Men type group in ...

Written by: PBF Ah, sweet 81 minute running time. How you make the pain so much easier to take. Actually, The Lost Boys: The Thirst is not as bad as The Tribe . In fact, it would be borderline not bad at all if they would just get rid of the stupid action movie hokey lines. And the crap “Cry Little Sister” cover. While Alan Frog was absent from the last film, he was referenced by Edgar who says that he knows what it’s like to lose a sibling to the undead or some such verbiage. The opening of The Thirst, shows us “5 years earlier” in Washington where a really old senator half vampire with vampire teeth dentures is about to feed on a congressman is interrupted by the Frog brothers. They save the congressman but Alan (again played by Jamison Newlander ) gets turned in to a half vampire. We go back to the present and Edgar ( Corey Feldman ) gets an eviction notice and one week to vacate his trailer. Still talking like Nolan’s Batman, he goes to a comic book store to sell some of his...

Written by: PBF Take everything that was good about the first one, reverse it, and make a new movie. BAM! The Lost Boys: The Tribe . Great music turns in to terrible music. Clever, funny dialogue turns in to weak, lame jokes. You get the idea. The Tribe is the first sequel to the original Lost Boys film that for some reason a group of people felt they needed to ruin the legacy of. This went straight to video, and it looks like a film that went straight to video. The only connection this film has with the original is that Corey Feldman reprises his role as Edgar Frog. Also, Haim shows up during the credits for about 2 minutes and is now a vampire. That is not a spoiler and the scene is not relevant to the rest of the movie. Chris and Nicole Emerson have lost their parents and move to California. Chris was a professional surfer that was kicked off the circuit after having snapped. I assume he repaired himself, because he is remarkably low key for someone who has snapped. Chris ...

Written by: PBF Ah, The Lost Boys . I haven’t seen saxophone playing that sexy since Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire . Both of those films are directed by Joel Schumacher . Hm. Sam ( Corey Haim ), his brother Michael ( Jason Patric ) and mother Lucy ( Diane Wiest ) are relocating to Santa Carla, California after Lucy has divorce the boys’ father. They are moving in with Lucy’s eccentric father ( Bernard Hughes ). Seeing things like “murder capital of the world” spray painted on a sign, posters with missing people on them and all kinds of weirdos running around the boardwalk do not exactly make the boys feel good about the move. Grandpa is also a weirdo, who likes smoking weed, taxidermy and keeping Oreos in the refrigerator next to his root beer. While out on the boardwalk one night, Lucy goes in to a video store and meets Max ( Edward Hermann ), the owner, and takes a job there. Sam visits a comic book store where the Frog brothers, Edgar ( Corey Feldman ) and Alan ( Jamison Newland...

Written by: Digger In 1922, during the German Expressionist movement of early silent cinema, director F.W. Murnau released the horror film Nosferatu onto an unsuspecting audience. The film’s image of the Dracula fill-in Count Orlock, portrayed by actor Max Schreck, became an iconic staple of horror movie history. Almost eight decades later, director E. Elias Merhige brings a secret history of the classic film’s creation to the screen in Shadow of the Vampire. The film opens with an intertitle card explaining how Marnau (John Malkovich) was unable to secure the rights for Dracula from Bram Stoker’s estate, but went on with the production under a different name. On a sound stage in Berlin, Marnau is filming the first scenes of his production Nosferatu with German actors Gustav von Wangenheim (Eddie Izzard) and Greta Schroeder (Catherine McCormack). After the shoot, the movie’s producer Albin (Udo Kier) discusses the crew’s plan to film much of the picture on location in a castle in S...

Written by: Digger The vampire is one of the most prevalent monster archetypes in film history. Ever since Nosferatu premiered in 1922, vampires have always occupied a special place in horror films. Subspecies is a Full Moon produced vampire film that never saw a theatrical release, but still has a dedicated cult following. The story starts with Radu (Andres Hove) walking though an authentic-looking castle to confront his father, King Vladislas (Angus Scrimm) and challenge him for control of the castle and an artifact called the Bloodstone. Radu’s look in the movie is actually one of the highlights of the film for me. He’s got unkempt rock star hair, powder-white skin, fingers that are twice as long as they should be, and the actor always has a sting of red drool trickling out of his mouth. He is very reminiscent of Count Orlock visually. The King explains that Radu cannot inherit the Bloodstone as it will give him too much power, and since Radu is evil, him having too much power w...

Back when I was looking forward to the upcoming movies over the next few weeks, I remarked how Let Me In seemed to take only the essence of its source material and put a new spin on it. Having seen Let the Right On e In a few years ago and several hundred movies since, I did not remember certain plot points that came back almost immediately as I was watching Let Me In . But, being based on an acclaimed novel, also called Let the Right One In , precludes originality for fear of backlash by fans of the story itself. Anyone with passing interest in the original will not be surprised by the direction the story goes here but director Matt Reeves is still able to create a film that is quite mesmerizing. Taking place in early 1980s New Mexico, the story revolves around the chronically-bullied Owen and the odd new girl next door Abby. The two meet in the courtyard of their apartment complex and almost instantly become close friends as both have little in the way of other relationships....

Film series typically do not get better over time. I could point to any collection of recurring films but you can draw your own examples of multiple movies that fall victim to the effect of diminishing results. The Twilight series is possibly an exception as it is based on a series of books by a first-time author, which as you might be able to attest from reading this site, who could only get better over time.

Twilight is one of only a few movies that I like in spite of the underlying story. As I am not a seventeen-year-old girl or a woman-of-a-certain-age or any other female in between, the bulk of the movie just does not appeal to me in the same fashion as other forbidden-romance movies do not. I watch movies to see things I cannot see otherwise and an angst-ridden love story can be found many times over without the fawning of females or the ire of everyone else in the middle.