Ah, sweet 81 minute running time. How you make the pain so much easier to take. Actually, The Lost Boys: The Thirst is not as bad as The Tribe. In fact, it would be borderline not bad at all if they would just get rid of the stupid action movie hokey lines. And the crap “Cry Little Sister” cover.
While Alan Frog was absent from the last film, he was referenced by Edgar who says that he knows what it’s like to lose a sibling to the undead or some such verbiage. The opening of The Thirst, shows us “5 years earlier” in Washington where a really old senator half vampire with vampire teeth dentures is about to feed on a congressman is interrupted by the Frog brothers. They save the congressman but Alan (again played by Jamison Newlander) gets turned in to a half vampire. We go back to the present and Edgar (Corey Feldman) gets an eviction notice and one week to vacate his trailer. Still talking like Nolan’s Batman, he goes to a comic book store to sell some of his collection. As if sensing the need for exposition from the viewer, a famous blogger named Johnny Trash comes in and irritates Edgar’s friend Zoe who explains that he is in town to cover a rave. When Edgar gets back to his trailer, he finds a woman named Gwen there who wants to hire him to find her brother Peter. Peter went to a rave hosted by DJ X in Ibiza (guess who is hosting the rave that’s coming to town?) and has not been seen since. These raves are held all over the world, and ravers are given “the thirst,” which they think is a new hip drug, but in fact is vampire blood. Essentially, DJ X is creating armies of vampires all over the world. Gwen informs Edgar that DJ X is possibly the Alpha vampire (and killing him will return all halves back to human). Edgar turns this down. He does, however go to visit Alan to discuss the situation. Thank God, just like us, Alan has no idea what happened to characters from the first film so Edgar can tell all of us. Here is the skinny on that: During the credits of The Tribe, Sam (Corey Haim) shows up as a vampire and confronts Edgar. The go at each other and the credits continue to roll, leaving us unsure as to what happened. Edgar tells Alan that he killed Sam, after he became a full vampire. Because of this, Sam’s brother Michael and Star no longer speak to him. Laddie, the child half vampire that Star looked after in the original, apparently now has a family and leads a normal life. Interestingly also, in another reference to the first movie, Alan sustains himself as a half vampire by drinking animal blood. He is a taxidermist, like Sam and Michael’s grandfather was (which is a main point of argument for those that believe that Grandpa was half vampire). Alan wants nothing to do with this task as he believes that no one knows who the Alpha vampire really is, and there will just be someone else who they believe is, and it is a never ending cycle. Edgar decides to take the job anyway, but Gwen has hired Lars, a reality show host, so they are now partners in this task. So the group: Edgar, Zoe, Lars (and his cameraman) and Gwen (who is the author of a popular series of vampire novels) load up on weapon and formulate a plan to rescue Peter (oh yeah, that’s what they were doing).
The Thirst is kind of interesting. For those of you that are unaware, there is a comic (4 issues) called The Lost Boys: Reign of Frogs that takes place between the first 2 films. Also, there was or is talks of making a Frog brothers television show. After watching this film, I can almost see how a show would be good. I would need the Frogs to be recast, as Feldman and Newlander have lost all acting ability, but I would not mind seeing Edgar and Alan regularly as a spin off of the original film. This franchise gets steered in to spin off more than sequels, but it just isn’t working. The Thirst is a big bag of references to the original film. When not being treated to exposition explaining unanswered (and possibly unasked) questions to fill in the gaps between 1987 and 2010, we get flashbacks to scenes of the original. The explanation of what happened to the characters was fine, but the flashbacks were annoying. This is clearly the further adventures of the Frogs, and the original is now but one (albeit the best) chapter in their adventure. Let’s focus on the present. In fact, while we are at it, let\’s lose The Lost Boys title as well.
I cannot tell you how much I HATE action movie one liners. The Tribe and The Thirst are riddled with them. You know, what? Stop making them largely comedic anyway. They are not as funny as the original and they don’t really need to be. Nothing wrong with a little bit of humor, but the comedy is over emphasized by lines that would be better suited in Commando.
These films were possibly a good idea, and perhaps 15 years ago they would have been much better. Feldman looks old, and the storyline would be better suited to younger actors, as well would a lengthy series, whether film or television. With the success of The Walking Dead, it is very possible that a well executed series about the Frog Brothers could be just as well received. The end of this film hints at another sequel, and perhaps it will be better. We are given a clue as to what the subject matter would be, and this would further detach it from The Lost Boys “family” as it were. This would surely make the quality better as I would have to assume the constant references would be done away with as we watch the Frogs take on new challenges.
So, it is not crap. In fact, it is a springboard for many interesting concepts. I find that the possibilities this film could lead to are more interesting than the actual film, and perhaps that’s what carried me through to the end. Rightfully so, it apparently ignored the second film, with the exception of two references (unfortunately, one of which actually requires a viewing of The Tribe to understand). However, just because it is not crap, does not mean it is good. Unfortunately it is more bad than good, but there are some moments that are genuinely entertaining. I say, stop making films, change the name and make a show. It will work better.
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