Wow. I haven’t seen a franchise go downhill this quickly since A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 came out.
So, Feast II picks up after the first one stops. We see all but two of the survivors driving off, as we did in the last one. Biker Queen, who thankfully is a biker, as her name might make for an uncomfortable work day in another vocation, comes across a dog with a hand in it’s mouth. Like any other rational human being would do, she shoots the dog several times with a shotgun. Upon inspection, she notices that the hand has the other half of a tattoo that she also has; the word “sister.” We find out that Harley Mom, who was killed in the first movie and Biker Queen are sisters. Bartender, who had a sort of heart attack and his throat slashed in the first movie is on the ground nearby and Biker Queen questions him about her dead sister. Bartender explains that Bozo (one of the survivors that drives off at the beginning) was responsible. So Biker Queen takes him as a hostage and drives to town to try to find Bozo so she can kill him. We are introduced to various characters, only this time in a less clever fashion than in the first film. Their name only is shown this time, and each one sort of gives us a quick bio of them self. We see them at their jobs or home for a few minutes, and then monsters end up attacking and these characters end up escaping. Ultimately Biker Queen and her gang of girl bikers, two midget Mexican wrestlers named Thunder and Lightening (and their Grandmother), Slasher (car salesmen that slashes prices), his wife Secrets and the man she is cheating with (Greg Swanker) and Bartender end up having to form a group and survive this ordeal. We also run across Honey Pie who was a survivor of the first film, having made it out of the bar to a truck, but ended up driving off and leaving the others. Bartender gives her the beating of a lifetime, bites her ear off, and then pushes her out the window when he runs across her. Honey Pie ends up by herself having her own boring adventure for the entire film.
What disappointed me most about this film, was that it was gore just for gore’s sake. It was just blood blood blood, heads and torsos. And it is pretty vile. It wasn’t nearly as clever or funny as the first film. This time the film makers seemed to get a lot of kicks making the monsters piss and shit, rape cats and having all the humans vomit at least twice each. There was a catapult built from a motorcycle and clothes (excuse for nudity), and did I mention midget Mexican wrestlers? I’ll tell you another thing, this movie dragged so much. Part of the problem was the side “story” of Honey Pie trapped in a store. Absolutely nothing happened with her (unless you count a really weird dream involving maggots). Bartender could have just killed her and the movie would have been just fine without her. I suspect she was just a time filler. It was great; we would have a really long stretch of boring shit with the main group, then cut to a really long stretch of boring shit with Honey Pie. My assumption is, that in order to try and make this different than the first film which took place entirely in a bar, the film makers wanted this one to be on the move, and have people survive longer. This unfortunately did not work. It screwed the pace up horribly. It also just abruptly stops, indicating that there will be a sequel (which there is) only further pissing me off that nothing got resolved during the previous 97 minutes.
The only thing further I can say is, this made me miss Henry Rollins.
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