Movie Scum

Written by: PBF Fuck you, Feast III: The Happy Finish . Oh, and that is flagrant false advertising. There is nothing happy about the ending. There is nothing happy about the rest of it either, so I guess it’s consistent. During the course of this series of films, I have been subjected to a cat rape, a baby being tossed in to the air and in to the claws of demons and a man getting raped by a demon through a pipe, only to be impregnated, then blow up as his demon child is born. And that’s not even the half of it. What started out as a fairly clever, modern tongue in cheek horror-comedy has ended as a demon shit stained pointless gore fest. In this third installment, I actually believe that each new character was introduced purely so that they would be killed 6 minutes later, in a needlessly gruesome, sure to only be entertaining to the filmmakers’ fashion. They even threw in some “infected,” which I bet everyone thought would be brilliant, when it actually served no purpose, with t...

Written by: PBF *THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS* In season 3 of Project Greenlight , Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton (writers), as well as John Gulager (director) were selected as the winners, and got to make Feast . Feast opens in a bar in the middle of a desert, where the patrons are doing normal bar things, like shooting pool and drinking. A man comes in covered in blood, with the head of some creature, and explains that there are 4 of these things, and they are hungry. He is asked who he is and he replies, “I’m the guy that is going to save your ass.” He is then immediately pulled through a window and eaten, the first one to die. His name? “Hero.” The rest of the film is spent watching the group band together and try to survive.

Written by: PBF Wow. I haven’t seen a franchise go downhill this quickly since A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 came out. So, Feast II picks up after the first one stops. We see all but two of the survivors driving off, as we did in the last one. Biker Queen, who thankfully is a biker, as her name might make for an uncomfortable work day in another vocation, comes across a dog with a hand in it’s mouth. Like any other rational human being would do, she shoots the dog several times with a shotgun. Upon inspection, she notices that the hand has the other half of a tattoo that she also has; the word “sister.” We find out that Harley Mom, who was killed in the first movie and Biker Queen are sisters. Bartender, who had a sort of heart attack and his throat slashed in the first movie is on the ground nearby and Biker Queen questions him about her dead sister. Bartender explains that Bozo (one of the survivors that drives off at the beginning) was responsible. So Biker Queen takes him as ...