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Random Movie: Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)

Written by: PBF Wow. I haven’t seen a franchise go downhill this quickly since A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 came out. So, Feast II picks up after the first one stops. We see all but two of the survivors driving off, as we did in the last one. Biker Queen, who thankfully is a biker, as her name might make for an uncomfortable work day in another vocation, comes across a dog with a hand in it’s mouth. Like any other rational human being would do, she shoots the dog several times with a shotgun. Upon inspection, she notices that the hand has the other half of a tattoo that she also has; the word “sister.” We find out that Harley Mom, who was killed in the first movie and Biker Queen are sisters. Bartender, who had a sort of heart attack and his throat slashed in the first movie is on the ground nearby and Biker Queen questions him about her dead sister. Bartender explains that Bozo (one of the survivors that drives off at the beginning) was responsible. So Biker Queen takes him as

Random Movie: Antichrist (2009)

Written by: PBF The title of this film coupled with my categorization of "horror" might throw you off a bit. Those two words in reference to a film may conjure up images of really horrible acting and demons killing priests or something. You will not find that here. This, in fact, is probably not comparable to any other film you have seen. Here is the basic plot of Antichrist , as there is a lot going on. A married couple, whose names are never revealed, are making passionate love, when their young son Nic, falls out of a window to his death. The wife, played by Charlotte Gainsbourg , is incredibly grief stricken, and spends a month in the hospital. Her husband, played by Willem Dafoe , is a therapist and decides that she is not getting the help she needs and takes her home and makes her his "patient." She acts out violently through sex, is generally inconsolable and has sudden attacks of anxiety. Her husband decides that she must face fear and be exposed to it di

Random Movie: Repulsion (1965)

Written by: PBF Repulsion is Roman Polanski’s first English language film. It is quite well done. Also, I am in love with Catherine Deneuve . Well, 1965 Catherine Deneuve. Carole (played by Deneuve) lives with her sister Helen. Helen, has a boyfriend, Micheal, who is married, yet spends a lot of time at Carole and Helen’s apartment, much to Carole’s dismay. It is clear almost immediately, Carole doesn’t like Michael and possibly men in general. Later we find out that this is an understatement. Carole has a boyfriend, or is dating a man named Colin, but tends to shy away from him and sometimes doesn’t even show up for dates. Carole goes so far as to throw away Michael’s razor and toothbrush because he puts them in her bathroom water glass. She doesn’t seem to have a hatred towards men so much as a dislike and even fear of them. This is indicated by actions such as vigorously wiping her mouth off as if it were dirty after being kissed and not letting Colin hold her arm. Helen an

Random Movie: Razortooth (2007)

Written by: PBF Jesus, where do these movies come from? Apparently from a producer of The Devil’s Rejects . Thanks, movie poster! Razortooth , I assume is the eel’s name. No one ever called it that, but it has sharp teeth, so I jumped to that conclusion. We find ourselves in the Everglades, or a reasonable facsimile. There is Delmar, who is with Animal Control, and can make the ladies wet better than a 15 foot long giant eel can (as you might imagine, what with the name Delmar), and his ex wife Ruth, who is the Sheriff. Delmar is doing Animal Control type things while Ruth is looking for 2 escaped convicts. There are also some young scouts (as in boy and girl scouts, but some generic movie scouts) who are paddling around in canoes. Finally we have some college kids who are meeting Dr. Abramson to help him with his eel project. As you have probably deduced without even having to watch the movie, we find out that Dr. Abramson is responsible for the eel. It is a product of genetic e

Random Movie: Splice (2010)

I must say I am a pretty uninformed movie goer sometimes. Case in point, I knew very little other than the basic premise for Splice going into it. However, I also knew that it received largely positive reviews when it screened at festivals earlier in the year, that it was a surprising pick-up by Warner Brothers, and it was going to be launched into theaters across the country to battle such populist dreck like Shrek and Marmaduke . I was expecting a well-done, but mostly generic sci-fi horror thriller but Splice is much more than that. Clive and Elsa are scientists under the wing of a pharmaceutical company tasked with synthesizing proteins to combat a gaggle of biological baddies, mostly for commercial uses. After successfully splicing genes from multiple species to create a miniature Starship Troopers brain bug, they want to advance their work and splice human genes. When this is shot down by the greedy bosses, Clive and Elsa forge ahead with the intention to terminate the expe

Missed Opportunities! Top 9 Sequel-less Movies

If it seems that Hollywood is all about the easy dollar these days with remakes, adaptations, and sequels to existing properties, you would be correct. But let us remember a time, back in the day if you will, that movies could be movies without launching franchises. Here are several pretty big movies that may (or may not) have missed their shot at spawning offspring. 9. Twister The inclusion of this film may be premature, but it is hard to believe that 1996′s $240 million blockbuster did not spawn a sequel. Maybe a sequel could shift the focus to Alan Ruck and Philip Seymour Hoffman in a small town where tornadoes are targeting a nuclear power plant. Oh wait. Zack Morris already did that movie. 8. Independence Day This is another one with recent rumbles of a sequel but who knows when we might see more of Bill Pullman playing President Awesome or Will Smith being … every other action star Will Smith has ever played. Now, I get that this is not a high-caliber movie but who did not

Random Movie: Iron Man 2 (2010)

Three years ago, a guy like me would have never had a concept of, nor would have cared about, a B-series comic book hero like Iron Man. Sure, he is a superhero featured in a barrage of comic books but Iron Man did not have the household appeal of the other more well-known comic book superheroes. With 2008’s feature Iron Man , that all changed as the wealthy son of an intellectual rose to stand along side the The Dark Knight and the Man of Steel . Picking up where the previous film left off, Tony Stark has outed himself as Iron Man and is subsequently dealing with the consequences of the injury that birthed his suited armor and the power it entails. However, as a man who has “privatized world peace,” Stark enjoys his adventures fighting the big baddies as much as his detractors like to point out the danger in his technology’s existence. When the son of his father’s former collaborator creates a powerful suit of his own, Stark is busy fending off other corporate slimeballs, frenemi

Random Movie: MacGruber (2010)

Written by: PBF MacGruber , if you didn’t already know, is a Saturday Night Live sketch that parodies a little show called MacGyver, which ran from 1985-1992. It was beloved by Americans and Bouvier sisters alike. MacGyver never used guns, but rather he would fashion some sort of weapon out of every day items. This premise begat several phrases, such as “MacGyver it.” The SNL sketch usually lasts 30-90 seconds, and involves MacGruber and his partner Vicki St. Elmo trapped in a room trying to defuse a bomb. Hilarity ensues and the sketch ends with an explosion, as MacGruber is unsuccessful at his task. This is the latest addition to the sketch-turned-movie universe, which is quite a mixed bag of good and bad. The premise of the movie is fairly basic. Dieter Von Cunth steals a nuclear warhead and wants to destroy Washington D.C. Cunth killed MacGruber’s wife, so the task of stopping him becomes personal.

Random Movie: The Blind Side (2009)

A few episodes ago, PBF and I talked about movies inspired by true events and I was rather dismissive of this film. Yes, The Blind Side is at its core a film more oriented towards female viewers that goes over the top with sentimental gestures of faith and love. But it does feature football and statistics have shown that approximately 94% of men either love or are interested in football. So, how does a sure-fire date movie turn into a Best Picture nominee? Michael Oher is a wayward young who has bounced from home to home after being separated from his mother several years earlier. He comes to study at the Wyngate Academy, a private Christian school attended mostly by the families of upper crust in society. His presence is an annoyance to his teachers due to his academic challenges and he stays mostly isolated from his affluent, caucasian classmates. After Michael is befriended by her young son, Leigh Anne Tuohy realizes that Michael has nowhere else to go and brings him home. Ove

Random Movie: The Hurt Locker (2008)

War movies are an interesting beast. Having never been in these situations, I am sure the real life events of these movies can range the broadest spectrum of emotions from anger to fear to relative happiness. Rather than stick with these basic, primal emotions, recent films (especially those on the recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan) have attempted to interject politics and the hand-wringing of whether it is right or wrong, mostly to the detriment of the film (at least for what I have read on movies like Redacted). Just like zombie movies, some films are made with a social commentary and underlying thought interwoven in the story while some are just straightforward tales about the subject matter. I am truly happy that Hurt Locker took the latter approach to telling a story about three men in an army of thousands who are just trying to make it through each day. The vast majority of the movie takes place with the company of three men, each a member of the Army’s Explosive Ordinanc

Random Movie: Satan’s Little Helper (2004)

Written by: PBF Satan’s Little Helper is a delightful little film in which you can hear the word Satan uttered at least 20 times, see a cat used as a paintbrush, and hear a young boy’s desire to marry his sister. Dougie, I am going to have to assume is retarded, delusional, or just an idiot. He is a young boy who is quite obsessed with a game called Satan’s Little Helper. He plays it on his computer and this really odd looking portable gaming device that I bet even WiFi Pirate has never seen. Dougie is also wearing a costume at the film’s opening, that was made for him, of Satan’s Little Helper. He is on the way with his mother (Amanda Plummer) to pick up his sister Jenna, who for some reason he says that he wants to marry. Jenna brings her boyfriend Alex home, and Dougie does not care for this. All Dougie wants to do is go trick or treating with Jenna and find Satan. And he will be damned if Alex is going to cock block him (he really only mentions marrying his sister twice, but

Mini Scum: Martyrs (2008)

If ever there was a case of an entire film being sabotaged by its final act, it is Martyrs . It begins ever so forcifully like a deleted scene from High Tension , Inside , or other French survival films and quickly ratchets up a good amount of scenes between the two lead girls. However at the one hour mark, an odd detour and shoehorned exposition turn a great horror film into random scenes of senseless violence. I have nothing against violence if it serves a purpose in a film. Here it just destroys the previous sixty minutes' good work.

Random Movie: Dead Alive (1992)

Written by: PBF The movie Dead Alive is called Braindead in every country but the United States. So, you know, if you find yourself in another land, and want to rent this, call it that.

Double Feature: Diary/Dawn of the Dead (2007/2008)

Whenever you turn around, zombie movies are fornicating as they seem to breed more bastard offspring than most other genres like Irish-assassins or Die-Hard-on-a-blank movies.

Springwood’s Finest: Top 9 Actors Who Had Careers in Spite of NOES

Now, I get that this is a really broad generalization encompassing over a hundred different actors but the Nightmare on Elm Street series seems to have been a showstopper for many an actor. All one has to do is peruse through the IMDb pages of the various films in the series to see several who have stopped working, taken extended hiatuses, or have been relegated to brief TV-show appearances or DTV movies. While this phenemonon is also apparent in other long-running slasher series as well, for now we are talking Freddy. So let’s dig in. Lin Shaye: Random Teacher (Original) Being the baby sister of the studio head can’t hurt but Lin Shaye has managed to carve out a pretty decent resume. She was in There’s Something about Mary, Snakes on a Plane, both Dumb and Dumber movies, and Boat Trip? Okay, I didn’t say these movies were good but at least a good chunk of her appearances make a (albeit probably brief) appearance in theaters says something. Breckin Meyer: Spencer (Freddy’s Dead)

Random Movie: Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

According to Box Office Mojo, the 1994 kids’ sports movie Little Giants grossed a meager $19 million in its theatrical release. Why is this movie relevant in a review for Wes Craven’s New Nightmare ? The Rick Moranis and Ed O’Neill PG-rated family movie had the distinction of being released within a week of New Nightmare . As such, I saw New Nightmare at least seven or eight times in theaters via Little Giants. I also had a VHS copy of Man’s Best Friend , the Ally Sheedy-starring Cujo-ripoff just because it was the first with a preview for Nightmare 7 before its release. For the record, I believe I watched the movie once and the opening previews at least a few dozen times. You see, somewhere between 1990 and this film’s release in 1994, I became very obsessed with horror films (healthy for an 8-year-old, huh?). When I first got wind of the newest Freddy film involving Heather Langenkamp and Wes Craven , likely through some random issue of Fangoria, I was excited. When watching it

Random Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Written by: PBF I am not sure if this poster is from the new A Nightmare on Elm Street. In a similar fashion, I really was not sure what I was watching when I saw the film. I would like to say that the only reason I am reviewing this, as opposed to Puck, is because I just happen to have seen it first. Puck has given us an incredibly insightful and brilliant analysis of the original franchise thus far, and I am eager for the remaining installments. I also, having not had a computer for a while, have not contributed anything to the site as of late. So, with Puck’s approval, here is my review. I will spare you a plot synopsis, as it is the same story. Freddy hunting and killing teenagers in their dreams as revenge. Between the 8 other movies that feature Freddy and Puck’s recent reviews, if you are not already familiar with the plot, I question your comprehension skills and you will not find this review helpful at all. So, I guess the thing that bothered me the most about this

Random Movie: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

Way back when I rewatched and reviewed Hatchet , I commented on how most movies that attempt a combination of horror and comedy (in any percentages) usually suck ass. Now upon watching Freddy’s Dead for the first time in quite a while, I feel that above statement may be too harsh for some other films that may try horror/comedy but fails. This is because Freddy’s Dead also tries that combo but fails EPICALLY! There is a theory about long running franchises and how the first film you see in theaters ends up being your favorite. While that holds true for James Bond, Freddy’s Dead was the first Nightmare film I saw in theaters and that just makes me more angry. I would also like to apologize to Nightmare 2 as I previously held it tied with Freddy’s Dead for worst of the series. Nightmare 2 is brilliance dedicated to film comparatively. Where I may have been able to enjoy Part 5 due to some effort that was put forth towards it, every single person involved in this movie seems to be o

Random Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

I will admit that I was not looking forward to A Nightmare on Elm Street 5 as part of this ongoing game of catch-up with the original films. Previously, I have been more or less ambivilent to the film as it is not the worst, is not the best, but falls into that middle ground also safely occupied by its predecessor. Due to the extreme condition of diminishing returns over the life of the franchise thus far, I had expected it to fair quite poorly, especially compared to the commercially-acclaimed Part 4. While this is in no way a good film, director Stephen Hopkins and at least one of the three credited screenwriters on this film had their hearts in it. Yes, I know that this movie is rated in the same league as Freddy’s Dead and Part 2 as far as quality goes but I felt this movie at least tried to not only stay within the growing cannon but also return to tension and scares over goofy puns and elaborate death scenes. Notice I say tried because for all the praise I could give this

Random Movie: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

So now we come to the fork in the road. Nightmare 3 has ended. A sequel is greenlit. I would imagine the head honchos at New Line sitting in the conference room thinking about how to best continue the series. I would guess by this point Freddy had become fairly mainstream if I, a six-year-old at the time, had seen a fair amount of merchandise, television promos, and previews for the last films. So, instead of continuing on the path of relative excellence established by the previous film, Bob Shaye turns Freddy into a laughably bad stand-up comedian on a beach, presumably to click with more teens and more dollars. One might say this was a good choice as this film more or less launched Freddy into stardom, but it was at the expense of a good series to that point. For some reason, I have historically really liked this film in spite of the about-face in technique. It was, and to a point still is, a pretty fun movie to watch but man did it piss me off this go around. I chalk that up to