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More Suffering! Top 9 Sequels That Completely and Absolutely Suck


As Randy so eloquently put it in Scream 2, sequels by their very definition are inferior works. Often times they are derivative and lack any imagination that made their predecessors so powerful. But most sequels aren’t bad per se, just worthless. These sequels though are bad enough to almost make you angry at the series for spawning such dreck.





Coming four years after the veritable classic The Exorcist, the second part wastes the talents of a fine cast with random tangents that don’t amount to much, let alone come close to the creepy factor of the first film. At least Exorcist III did part of that.



I cannot understand the fact that many people around these internet parts think of Die Hard 2 as a good film. I can firmly say however that it is crap. It is the worst type of sequel, the let’s do the whole thing again beat by beat. There may be some decent action sequences but the complete abandonment of any new ideas makes this a messy affair.



As a kid in high school, The Matrix was the shit. Everyone and their mothers were crazy about it with awesomely good effects (DVD showcase worthy!) and a decent story about individual realization. When the sequel train came around, The Wachowski's decided to abandon any notion of a compelling plot in favor of more CGI trickery and convoluted philosophical babble and random orgies.



I won’t lie. Speed is not only one of my favorite films, but one that I have watched probably more than any. As a young Puck, I held out hope in this film even without the sorely missed Keanu Reeves. My reward was a movie so awful that I legitimately am surprised Sandra Bullock still has a career. Jason Patric might have taken most of the blame.



As much as I loved the original Hangover, I was never in favor of a sequel. And, as it turns out, I was right because The Hangover Part II was a bullshit film wearing the skin of the original like Buffalo Bill. Falling into the same category of ‘Let’s Do Everything the Same’ as Die Hard 2, Hangover part duh almost literally recreated the first film beat-by-beat. I still haven’t seen Part III and I choose not to sir.



I, among many, loved Alex Aja’s remake of The Hills Have Eyes. It was gruesome and brutal and willing to throw the punches that even most horror films would have held back. But the remake’s sequel, penned by creator Wes Craven and son, replaced a relatable family unit with a bunch of National Guard misfits who couldn’t find their way out of a port-a-potty.



This movie fucking sucks. I hate it so much in spite of the fact that I love the series, even the warts like Nightmare 5. But there is nothing redeeming here and it seems as though New Line was so spiteful that it couldn’t print money with Freddy any longer that it decided to end the series by stripping any dignity it might have had.



Look, Weekend at Bernie’s was no great shakes on its own but it was harmlessly funny and quirky to fit into the 80s pantheon of silly comedies. But the power-that-be pushed things too far with this film that decided that reanimated dancing corpses were funny. Add in some awkward dialogue, Jamaican Voodoo stereotypes, and the lack of chemistry Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman had in the original and you begin to question the entire purpose of filmmaking in general.



Okay, I guess this one isn’t a ‘sequel’ in the technical terminology but that doesn’t erase the fact that The Phantom Menace was the most anticipated follow-up to a beloved film to completely shit the bed when it comes down to it. It was so bad that I, a devout Star Wars fan, completely shunned Episode II in theaters and to date still have not watched Episode III. It is most likely the best case scenario that George Lucas has now stepped away from the franchise so we can have a new Star Wars film that doesn’t make you want to set yourself on fire.

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