Before the interviews and commercials started, I knew approximately two things about Drive Angry. The first is that it is written and directed by the same team who made the new My Bloody Valentine, which came out well in advance of the spate of 3D crap floating around and was a pretty fun flick. Second, Nicolas Cage was in it. And this is ridiculously over-the-top Cage from such head-scratchingly good blockbusters as Con Air or Face/Off. Cage can be a downright boring actor when he is playing things straight. When he is not, well, I defer now to The Rock or any of the aforementioned movies for sheer entertainment value.
No one should be expecting grand cinema when walking into see Drive Angry, which the poster and commercials proudly proclaim was shot in real 3D. This is just another mainstream Hollywood movie with definite inspirations from the shlocky, grindhouse movies of the 70s. Cage stars as John Milton, as unoriginal a name if there ever was one, who escapes his sentence in hell to track down a Satanic cult leader who murdered his daughter and abducted his granddaughter. Milton reaches out for help to Piper (Amber Heard), an attractive waitress with a nice muscle car and no where in particular to go, for assistance in tracking down the nefarious cult. But, Milton is being hunted by The Accountant (William Fichner), a sardonically delightful bean counter tasked with bringing Milton back. So begins a semi-cross-country trek filled with gunfights, explosions, and car chases. What else would you expect?
If you were thinking full-blown and way off-the-handle acting courtesy of Cage, Fichner, and the lead cultist baddie Billy Burke, then I am pleased to announce you will not in any way be disappointed. If only there was a legitimate award given for acting that would be cringe-worthy in a normal movie, yet strangely satisfying in context, Cage would be a hands-down winner. Again, I go back to the Piranha defense. You want award-winning acting? Go see King’s Speech! This is Drive Angry! Fichner is the go-to guy in this though as The Accountant will go down as an audience favorite for years to come with his emotionless delivery of soon to be classic lines like “Hey, fat fuck!” Well, that is if anyone actually sees this. I was in an auditorium alone while watching.
Co-writer and director Patrick Lussier and other-writer Todd Farmer wisely do not ask much of their viewing audience. The narrative is kept pretty simple, the characterizations are kept pretty one-dimensional, and the action consists of what an ADD-riddled eleven year old would think is cool. Again, the movie in question is called Drive Angry. But there was something off about the movie that originally I couldn’t put my finger on. Having some time to reflect on it, there really is not much that is memorable. Sure, it is mostly fun during the movie even with a few unneeded character moments dragging down the pace but nothing really stood out. There are plenty of car chases but I couldn’t recall the details of them like I could for, I don’t know, The Rock or the Gone in 60 Seconds remake. There is plenty of gunfights but again, they mostly just blend together after the fact. Well, except the one with Cage drinking a bottle of whiskey, smoking a cigar, and banging a chick while in the middle of a gunfight. That one stuck out.
The main reason I wanted to see this in theaters (which judging by the returns on it, didn’t leave much time) was that I really wanted to enjoy a movie in 3D. I’ve made no qualms about my issues with the format before but even with Piranha, the 3D was just the extra over-the-top aspect that movie needed. In this movie, there were a few interesting shots in 3D but I could count those on one hand. The rest of the time I was sitting by myself, in a theater, wearing dorky glasses for no discernible reason. I was really open-minded for this one but I cannot justify paying so much to see it. I fathom it will play better at home though.
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