Movie Scum

Written by: PBF Paul Thomas Anderson ’s Boogie Nights is inspired by, loosely based on or whatever you want to call it, the life of porn star John Holmes (at times, it even directly lifts dialogue from interviews with Holmes that appeared in a later documentary in which featured Anderson) . While the two are similar, it is more so a fictitious depiction of the lives of some folks in the porn industry during the 70s and 80s. It does have some true elements to it, such as the movement to get porn to convert from film to videotape. Ultimately, it is an examination of several people’s lives as they move in and out of the adult film world. The main story of this film revolves around Eddie Adams ( Mark Wahlberg ), a 17 year old who works at a car wash by day and a nightclub at…well, night. Eddie believes that everyone has one special thing that they are blessed with. His special thing happens to be a penis that hangs around 13 inches or so. The particular nightclub that he works for,

I don’t have air conditioning in my car. This makes commuting rather uncomfortable especially last week as a blistering heat wave across the country produced temperatures in the 100s. See the images on the top and side of this post? Click one and help Puck have AC. Anyways, on insanely hot days, I almost always think of Die Hard with a Vengeance as it is a movie that almost makes you sweat from the heat atop the New York City streets. Let’s disregard that a lot of the film was made in South Carolina. But I’m rambling now, so let’s get on with the review. When I reviewed Die Hard some time ago, it had been a while since seeing it. Thus, I was captivated at the sheer brilliance of it all, not just for a “mindless” action film, but because it is a damn solid story that pretty much built all the action movie tropes still in use today. It’s second sequel though, DHWAV for short, gives Hollywood a damn fine template for creating a action sequel that is not downright insulting to the v

Marvel has had a pretty good batting average since taking their films in-house a few years ago beginning with the lauded Iron Man . Even though their latest films have not lived up to that high standard (in fairness, that's not an easy task), their output has been consistently on the good side with Thor and the latest Hulk movie both being quite enjoyable. Of course, the big draw is next year's Avengers , the super-superhero movie which will hopefully find a way to congeal all of these wildly different comic book protagonists in a cohesive sense. The last stop before Avengers though is the first Avenger: Captain America . I should not need to preface this review by saying I know squat about the comic series; this should be assumed by now. Captain America was created in the early 1940s but rose in popularity during World War II for obvious reasons. The comic, as well as the film center around Steve Rogers ( Chris Evans ), a scrawny kid from Brooklyn, who desperately wants

I was going to write an opening paragraph along the lines that many women I know have proclaimed that The Adjustment Bureau is good movie. I figured I would just allude to it and move right along but only after making an off-hand statement that women have different tastes than I and this did not seem the type of film (Matt Damon and his alleged “hunkiness” notwithstanding) that the female subsect of society would be interested in. But that would make me seem like a mid-twentieth century pig. And I would be completely wrong as you can possibly surmise from the categories listed above. I don’t necessarily have a problem with “romance” movies. They just are not designed with my sensibilities in mind. I can still objectively review them from a critical standpoint to determine if they are completely bland and unsurprisingly (not unlike Love and Other Drugs) or a remarkably decent story merely concocted around a lovey-dovey tale like this film. Written and directed by George Nolfi, the f

What can I say? I am a glutton for courtroom dramas even though they seem to all end the same. Matthew McConaughey plays the titular lawyer who spends his time defending the less-than-innocent. If you took an episode of The Practice and bred it with an episode of Law & Order , I suspect this is pretty close to the outcome. Some of the twists in the story are okay, even if they are given away by the previews, but this ultimately seems like a by the book legal thriller. It doesn’t help that McConaughey’s presence invokes A Time to Kill , a much more effective drama. There is a lot of talent that goes untapped from William H. Macy to the still smokin’ Marisa Tomei but the story featuring the possibly guilty rich boy Ryan Phillippe is short on surprises, even though Phillippe seems to be trying to prove he is a real actor.

Written by: PBF Exit 33 will be released to DVD on August 2 via Breaking Glass Pictures. It is directed by Tommy Brunswick and stars Kane Hodder . You may remember Hodder from his role as the best Jason Voorhees ever (in arguably the worst installments of that franchise). He has also appeared in Adam Green’s Hatchet films (and many others). A small group of friends (some travelling alone, some together) are going to their 5 year high school reunion. On their way, they come across Ike’s Last Chance Gas. In addition to owning the gas station, Ike (Hodder) is a bit of a taxidermist and also makes a fine venison jerky. His deer heads and jerky can be found in his store. This station lies off of Exit 33, which not often used (despite the 9 or so visitors in one night). Ike and his store seem a bit creepy. For good reason. Ike is deeply troubled and has a terrible secret. Unfortunately for some of his patrons, they find out exactly what it is.

If you would have told me a few months ago that I would have liked Transformers: Dark of the Moon , I would have laughed heartily. Yet, I begrudingly must say that this Transformers movie is a staple in action cinema and … a pretty good movie to boot. Well, maybe I won’t go that far ... I was going to write full reviews of the preceding two movies but out of laziness and an inability to sit through the entirety of both, I did not. I can summarize though. The first was a decent action movie wrapped around some of the most annoyingly cliched characters ever put to film. It was passable. The second was an insult, not only to the senses but also to anyone who has ever found any movie ( Weekend at Bernie’s not withstanding) thought-provoking. TF2 was a train-wreck, mostly in story, but that was quickly talked off as a by-product of the writer’s strike that year. That would make sense then if the entire film was ad-libbed on the day of shooting. I guess at this point, we can forget a

I may have said it before, but let me reiterate: 1994 was a huge year in movies for a young Puck. Today’s random movie was one of the apexes of my love for movies. I saw Speed in theaters only once but I more than made up for it when it was released on VHS (ahh, nostalgia). Within a week, I was quoting the movie verbatim to all of my discerning middle school friends. They thought I was a loon. Perhaps they were right. But then again, Speed kicks ass. So, I claim victory even if none of them will know it. Almost immediately, Speed kicks off with a rather enthralling opening that is actually relevant with rest of the movie! A mad bomber has rigged a downtown L.A. elevator with a bomb that spells doom for the dozen or so passengers on board. With some quick thinking by S.W.A.T. members Jack ( Keanu Reeves ) and Harry ( Jeff Daniels ), the bomber’s plans are thwarted and the passengers saved with the bomber allegedly blowing himself up once the jig is up. Sometime later, Mr. Bomber

Written by: PBF Strangers Online is excruciating. Watching it is like watching one of those Cinemax movies that come on at 2am, but actually trying to care for and follow the plot. Yes, this film should be nestled right between Sex Games: Vegas and The Bare Wench Project. Much like my relationship with this film, Hollis Parker (Noel Palomaria) is trying to forget the memory and stop the nightmares of when his wife was murdered 4 years ago. Currently, he hosts a web show called Strangers Online. Guests call via their web cams for sexual and relationship advice, to show their bodies, or sometimes just to be plain weird. Hollis’s show is quite popular, as is he. Hollis is in therapy, as he is guilt ridden over not being able to protect his wife from being murdered. This is what leads to his nightmares. He lives in seclusion with his girlfriend, Laura (Eva Frajko). A new intern, Karen (Tara Killian) has quite a crush on Hollis, which develops into an unhealthy obsession. Laura also

Written by: PBF In yet another porn to mainstream transition, adult film star Alexis Texas stars in Bloodlust Zombies . This film is sort of a piss poor combination of Office Space and Zombieland . And porno. It arrives on DVD on July 5th. So there is this office building. In the building there is a lab where some kind of chemical is being developed and tested. At the beginning of the film, all we know about it is that it seems to make house cats insane. The boss and Andrea (Texas) are having sex when they accidentally tun the office intercom system on. The entire building can hear the fornication and react by laughing and/or mimicking sexual positions. Why, even the serious minded lab workers join in the fun and accidentally cause a spill. Someone gets bitten by an insane house cat test subject and BAM! There’s your outbreak. So, to be more factual, these would be blood lust infected, not zombies. It is later explained that the chemical was actually designed to be used in wars as

Do you know what most low-budget independent movies lack? Well, a lot of things normally. A decent script, competent direction, halfway tolerable actors, and so much more are typically absent in some of the lowest of low budget movies I’ve suffered through. Do you know what this movie lacks? A few dollars and a big studio behind it. Otherwise, Dawning is an excellent example of how a few talented people with a modicum of cash can make a film that the big budget affairs should strive for. Apparently, Dawning spent an inordinate amount of time (or perhaps a normal amount for this budget range) in development in different stages, reshoots, and the like. Given the final product, this is no doubt a good thing. This film even perfectly illustrates why I don’t like being around family: it’s awkward. Chris ( Jonas Goslow ) and Aurora ( Najarra Townsend ) are trekking out into the middle of nowhere to meet up with their father and stepmother at their cabin. There is certainly a lot of hist

Up until today, I cant remember the last time I watched Predator 2 in its entirety. Whenever I see it on TV, on Demand, or on the Jesusflix, I usually catch the first fifteen minutes with arguably one of the greatest action-movie gunfire battles ever. The rest of the movie? Well, lets just say it does not live up to its opening, but surely not for a lack of trying. Apparently Los Angeles in the late 90s wasn't destined to be a nice place. We can get additional confirmation from watching Demolition Man. But anyways the gangs in L.A. are fierce, the drugs are flowing with ease, and the cops are outmanned and outgunned to do anything about it. Lieutenant Mike Harrigan ( Danny Glover ) causes much consternation with his superiors when he goes against orders and enters a downtown building filled with gang members. Fortunately for the police, an unknown party takes out the coked-up rapscallions leaving behind lots of blood, a skinned body, and the fresh scent of Predator-ing. As