Movie Scum

As we had discussed in a previous episode, I had a general distaste for movies that were Best Picture nominees as they seem to be pretentious and boring, much like another George Clooney movie that I did not care for. This movie, much like the director’s previous effort Juno , make me rethink Up In the Air but with reservations. As we are introduced to Clooney’s Ryan Bingham, we are thrust into his world of constant motion. He works for a contracted firm to break the bad news to workers that they are now unemployed. This job requires frequent traveling to the point that a vast majority of his time is spent in airplanes and hotels. He is for all intents and purposes a voluntary vagrant and he enjoys it. This is all threatened when fresh graduate Natalie Keener tries to revolutionize his industry by telecommuting and saving all of the travel expenses. As Ryan takes Natalie on the road to show her what she is getting into, he meets Alex, another wayward traveler with the same pench

Considering the fact that I have not seen Best of the Best 2 in at least ten years, the fact that I remembered the majority of what goes on is impressive. What is equally impressive is how I still find this film to be, like the original, somewhat laughable but an excellent exercise in martial arts films and damn entertaining. My previous love for this movie (maybe just a tad more than the first) may exclude this from being a totally impartial review but live with it. Years after the conclusion of the first, the three decent members of the US karate team have bonded to the point that they have become true friends and even opened up a karate studio together. The dumb one out of the bunch, Travis, decides to take part in an underground martial arts ring in Las Vegas, not for honor but for money. Sadly, Travis is killed in the ring by Brakus, a big sweaty German with big pecks and his body is found floating by the Hoover Dam. When the police refuse to take action believing the death t

You would think I would like Let’s Go to Prison . Directed by Bob Odenkirk . Features Will Arnett , David Keochner , Chi McBride and Dylan Baker . Written by Thomas Lennon . But I don’t. Perhaps it’s because it is a comedy that I laughed at once. Maybe it’s because Dax Shepard is in the majority of it. Maybe because it is incredibly boring. Whatever it is, it sucks. Yet, Comedy Central insists on cramming it down my throat 4 times a day, like they do with Idiocracy (also featuring Dax Shepard).

Welcome to a new series on Movie Scum aptly titled Mini Scum. Here, we discuss and review a movie in 100 words or less because it does not warrant a normal random review. I’m not adverse to a movie that takes the slow approach toward its resolution. What I am not a fan of is movies that ride along for two hours (!) before a hastily written ending which does not make a lick of sense. Syriana has the star power with Clooney and Damon especially but they are fairly dull and just small pieces of the boring cog of the story. This screams to be an important Oscar movie and with two awards it succeeded. But being acclaimed does not make it a good movie. Stick with Jack Ryan instead for political espionage.

I have found that the opening crawl of a film saying "Based on True Events" means not only will the story be 90% fiction with a smidgen of reality but it will not be good. You might notice I did not file Wolf Creek under horror. While this is the common genre the film is placed in, I feel it is more of a dramatic thriller ala Breakdown or Vanishing. While there may have been some horrific moments in this film, it is not horror in my estimation. Set in 1999 Australia, Wolf Creek follows three backpacking kids as they make their way through the heart of desolation. Our trio, played by Nathan Phillips , Kestie Morassi , and Cassandra Magrath , set off to Wolf Creek, the site of a meteor crash. After their hike, they fall victim to the old plot trick, the non-working car. Seemingly a nice stranger comes along with the offer to help them fix the car and get back on the road. Sadly, the kind stranger is not as benevolent as he seems. Needless to say, this is forty minutes in

I challenge you to find one person who does not enjoy a hot tub. Putting aside the potential health issues from prolonged use or extreme temperatures (thank you Michael Myers for teaching kids about the latter), a hot tub is relaxing and therapeutic and can make a kick-ass time machine. I would argue a Delorean is better as it can also function as a normal automobile, but the titular hot tub from Hot Tub Time Machine is running a close second. Three friends, Adam, Nick, and Lou have seen better days. Now in their middle ages, they find their lives slipping away from the dreams and ambitions they once had. After Lou has a mishap (or potential suicide attempt) with car exhaust and a sealed garage, the three hit the road with Adam’s nephew Jacob to a winter ski resort that they kicked at in the old days. The first night there as the four are relaxing in the bubbling, heated water containment unit, a mishap with a Russian drink and the hot tub controls results in a transportation back

Written by: PBF Yeah, this is a lousy piece of crap. I stared at the screen trying to figure out why in the hell this movie was made. Watching this franchise is sort of like watching a dandelion on a very windy day; it starts out pretty enough, but eventually pieces of it keep flying off leaving an ugly thing in its place. Phantasm III (which does not have the subtitle Lord of the Dead either time the title is shown) starts off with the same flashback to the first movie that was at the beginning of the second one. Only this time it includes parts from the second film, carefully leaving out James LeGros, who played Mike in the second. That is because A. Michael Baldwin has returned for the role (so has everyone else that were in the other 2). After the flashback we pick right up at the end of part 2. We see the Tall Man who was “killed” come out of the doorway to the other dimension and take his own dead body back there. There is a boring “showdown” in the graveyard with Reggie a

Written by: PBF If you were not already aware, this is not a true story. Tobe Hooper purposely leads you to believe that it is. The closest thing to reality in this film is that Leatherface does some of the same things that real life killer Ed Gein (who inspired Psycho) did. That is all. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre follows a road trip of 5 friends: Sally and her wheelchair bound brother Franklin, her boyfriend Jerry, and 2 friends Pam and Kirk. They are going to Sally and Franklin’s grandfather’s grave, as it may have been vandalized and/or robbed. There has been quite a bit of that activity lately. During the trip they pick up a rather disturbing hitchhiker and end up having to ditch him. They pull into a gas station only to find out it has no gas, but is expecting a delivery later. They make it to an old family home and decide to hang out until they can go back for some gas. The events that follow are quite unnerving and horrific. This film is truly a masterpiece from start t

While this is not quite so random after the airing of our last episode, it was almost serendipitous that Best of the Best was begging for me to watch it on Netflix the night of filming. It was quite random that it came up at all from PBF and I discussing Chuck Norris’ Sidekicks . As a child, I was involved in martial arts and devoured a number of cheeseball movies, a shocking number of which starred Sasha Mitchell. This however was the best of the best (I know, that was dumb). Eric Roberts stars as Alex Grady, a former champion in martial arts who has since been forced into retirement due to injuries, as he and others attempt to prove themselves as … well, I was going to quote the title but nevermind. The film progresses as each of the members are chosen and must undergo the arduous training of sit-ups and James Earl Jones barking at them to challenge the victorious South Koreans in a martial arts tournament. In the process, we see their home lives, their struggles and challenge

Written by: PBF There’s a funny thing about Real Men . Almost every “review” of it mentions that every other review of it states that it is a bad movie, but that current reviewer disagrees. I have yet to find these negative reviews. I will try to make this plot summary as simple as possible. It is quite ridiculous. Due to an accidental chemical spill that we only hear about, all life on Earth will be dead in 5 years. The CIA have been negotiating with aliens for years and it is discovered that those aliens have a “good package” that will reverse the process started by the spill. They also have a “big gun” that can destroy a planet. The good CIA agents want that package and the bad agents and Russians want the big gun. A rendezvous is arranged to meet the aliens and the good agents have what keeps being referred to as the vital map, that shows the meeting spot. The aliens require a glass of water for the package or the gun, whichever is decided upon. At the beginning of the movie,

Written by: Digger Where were you when you first realized that there was no hope, and never will be any hope, for movies based on video games? For me, well, I was in the movie theater watching Wing Commander . This thing is a huge, steaming pile of weapons grade crap. I will concede that this wasn’t the first video game movie I saw that was utterly terrible. Super Mario Brothers , Street Fighter , and Double Dragon were all released many years before this and every one of them is completely irredeemable. The difference is that the Wing Commander franchise actually had a chance to be a pretty good movie for many reasons. First of all, this film was written and directed by Chris Roberts , the same man who produced and directed several of the video game installments. Secondly, the games were famous for their cinematic full motion cut scenes that featured several established Hollywood actors like Mark Hamill, John-Rhys Davies, and Malcolm MacDowell lending their talent to the project

Written by: PBF Law Abiding Citizen is cool. I did not expect to enjoy it that much, but I rather did. It’s not necessarily the type of movie I would seek out. Someone suggested that I watch, and so I did. I will first post this: *****SPOILER ALERT***** I do this because this movie has a certain progression and some events that would be a surprise to you might be ruined by this review. I don’t know that for sure, so I post that alert just in case. Read on if you like, but if you do and get pissed, it is now your own fault. Clyde Shelton ( Gerard Butler ) is the victim of a home invasion in which he watches his wife and daughter die. The men are arrested and are prosecuted by ADA Nick Rice ( Jamie Foxx ), who has a 96% conviction rate. Not convinced that he would win by prosecuting based on evidence and Shelton’s testimony, Rice arranges for one of the men to testify against the other, in exchange for a 10 year sentence, while they seek the death penalty for the other. Shelton

Written by: Digger I grew up in a family with two sisters. As an unfortunate result, I, through no fault of my own, ended up watching a lot of movies as a child that had horses in them. These films ranged in quality from the somewhat respectable The Man from Snowy River to the absolutely hideous My Little Pony Movie . Somewhere in the middle of all that is the memory of a film that my sisters watched a lot, and I mean a lot; something like two or three times a week. It’s called Wild Hearts Can’t be Broken and is about, get this, professional horse diving. The subject of this film always baffled me as a child and, even today, I can’t quite get my head around this concept. Apparently, if this movie is to be believed, during the great depression people were so bored out of their skulls that a woman jumping onto a horse’s back and then falling into an above-ground pool was seen as grade A entertainment. From what I understand, this story is based on the real life events of Sonora Webst

While PBF may hold the record for most random and ridiculous number of movies seen in theaters, I saw Popcorn at the tender age of nine in my local cinema. It is surprising that for the hundreds of movies I've seen over the years that I recall absolutely nothing about, I still remembered the basic gist of this and even remembered who the killer was. Not bad for a movie that I saw only once almost twenty years ago. Although to be fair, if you've seen any horror movie at all, you'll guess who the killer is within the first fifteen minutes of the movie. Here we have a group of college kids, film students of course, who decide to resurrect a defunct vintage movie theater and host a marathon of cheesy horror and sci-fi movies complete with gimmicks that tie into them. We have a giant mosquito flying through the theater during the mutated atomic monster flick, electrified seats during the poor man's Shocker movie, and a foul odor piped into the hall for the cleverly titl

Written by: PBF So, in case you haven’t noticed, I have been on a cheesy horror kick lately. Since Jesusflix has the entire Phantasm franchise, I figured I might as well revisit that. While I would substitute “low budget, but decent” for “cheesy” in regard to the first Phantasm , I would apply the phrase, “utter disappointment” to this installment. Phantasm II has us watching Liz thumb through a journal, talking to herself in her head, about Mike, whom she has only seen in her dreams. While she is doing this, the film cuts away to the end of the first Phantasm, with Mike and Reggie relaxing after the ordeal that they have just gone through. The flashback reminds us that they decide to hit the road and get a fresh start. However, things go awry when the Tall Man attempts to take Mike and turn him in to a dwarf slave, but is thwarted by Reggie who ultimately blows the house up, but not with the Tall Man inside. We flash forward a bit, and Mike is being released from a mental insti

False advertising is a big deal when it comes to businesses and consumer products. The laws on the books act to protect consumers against being misled about the product or service they are buying from inflated claims, inaccurate results, or overall deception. The United States even has the FTC, a government agency whose primary purpose is to protect buyers from all kinds of shenanigans. Why am I talking about this? Well, I am angry that there is no entertainment based equivalent to the FTC which would prevent unsuspecting movie goers from shelling out money on crap films. When I saw The Crazies this weekend, attached to the print was a new trailer for the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street remake. As I previously worried based on the test screening reviews, this remake could very well suck balls and destroy my own personal, nostalgic 80s universe by further bastardizing the franchise already undone by the likes of Freddy’s Dead and Freddy vs. Jason. But, as I sat in the darkened movie

Written by: Digger I’ll be the first to admit that I love movies with car chases, explosions, big rubber monsters, and boobies, but every now and again I need a change of pace. Call it an escape from escapism. Some real life stories are worth experiencing just as much as fantasy, and everyone should learn about the man, the myth, the real life legend that is Harvey Pekar. American Splendor is the movie I watch to remind myself that for all the brainless Michael Bay boom-fests and boring vampire meat market movies out there, a film can still be a work of art. Now, I know what you’re thinking, or at least what I’m thinking, but artsy movie doesn’t always mean boring, self-indulgent pile of crap, and some directors need to learn the difference. (I’m looking at you, Vincent Gallo) The film opens with images of kids trick-r-treating on Halloween dressed as comic book superheroes like Superman and Batman, but one kid is dressed in his mild-mannered garb. When a house-wife distributin

Just days after we release an episode criticizing the prevalance of remakes in Hollywood, this gut-buster comes in and proves that we should just have a big tall glass of Shut-the-F-Up Juice and give the film a chance before crying foul about its origins. In fairness, PBF and I commented that this looked like a rather kick-ass movie which we had high hopes for. I am happy to report, along with many other reviews I’ve seen, that it does not disappoint.

Now THIS is the movie I was looking for! A low-budget, horribly-acted, crap movie to sit and just stare at in amazement. The amazement is born in the terrible plot, forged by lackluster direction, and cemented in the god-awful looking effects. To its credit though, Dragon Wars (or D-War as the cool kids would have called it if anyone else but me had seen this piece of trash) kept me entertained for a good ninety minutes. That’s more than I can say about many other films. The plot (and I use the term as loosely as possible) centers around the strife between a good dragon and a bad dragon. Now, I spaced out during part of the exposition but from what I gathered, the bad dragon wants to have something that is for whatever reason stored inside a specific person every 500 years in order to rule the earth or get to heaven or something like that. During about 78% of the movie, this person is Sarah, played by Amanda Brooks, who was born with a birthmark in the exact and defined shape of a

Reports are coming in that Andrew Koenig , son of Star Trek’s Walter Koenig, was found dead in Canada. Andrew played possibly one of the best named characters on a show whose main star was a devout Christian in real life, Boner Stabone, on Growing Pains. His father is reporting that it was an apparent suicide, but the cause of death has yet to be officially determined. Read more at the random news site I decide to link in this sentence.