Movie Scum

This series just keeps getting weirder. With [REC] 2 picking up right after the original ended, it would be difficult to continue on the same path with the same momentum as those films. As such, co-writer/director Paco Plaza of the first two decided he would break the formula in quite a few ways. [REC] 3 runs concurrent to the original instead of dovetailing into it like one might assume from the subtitle. In a lovely Spanish church compound, a young couple in love is about to tie the knot in front of their closest friends and family. Little did Clara ( Leticia Dolera ) and Koldo ( Diego Martín ) know that inviting that one creepy uncle would not only make things awkward, but also turn their wedding party into a excursion in survival. Even though the film runs very short, the quick running time still leaves time for Clara, Koldo, and some of the other notable wedding guests to have adequate introductions before the police show up and crazy rapid zombie people are crashing thro

A zombie movie that is compelling, decently acted, and not crap! Who knew they still made those? No doubt you’ve seen The Dead pop up in your local DVD kiosk or big-box retailer with the quoted proclamation that it’s “The Best Zombie Movie of the Year.” Lofty superlatives normally carry some weight when paired with your latest Ben Affleck or Clint Eastwood movie, but I tend to be leery when it comes to low-budget horror since there are plenty of reviewers who are quick to label excellence upon crap to everyone else. Surprisingly though, that declaration is warranted.

This movie is apparently pretty widely hated. And to think, I had never even heard of it before.

This movie is terrible. Of course, this isn't a secret or a new revelation I've come to in deducing how mind-boggingly lazy this film is. In fact, it's so bad that I can safely classify it with The Happening which induces similar headaches and constant facepalms while maintaining its ability to make me want to suffer through it even though I know I'll hate myself afterward.

While I haven't seen any of his films, I hear director Ti West is an up-and-comer in the horror world off of his Cabin Fever 2 and The House of the Devil . And while the occasional one may, I have long since given up on the notion that a movie can "scare" me. Yet, I applaud those filmmakers who intend to create new horror films to at least attempt so long as they have the basic tenants of film making covered. As such, even being an original concept, The Innkeepers fails on pretty much every level. Upon re-reading #pbf's review of The House of the Devil , it seems that West has a particular method of filmmaking in mind: a slow-burn callback to horror movies from decades ago. There are a lot of elements in Innkeepers that seem out of place in the modern film society: very contained cast of half a dozen or so, creepy locale, minimal technology, and a seemingly gradual buildup to the scares rather than a steady pace of false jump scares and such. Writer and director

When this movie was first announced as a prequel to the John Carpenter's The Thing , arguably one of the best horror movies ever made, I felt an odd sense of relief knowing that it wouldn't be an out and out remake. Of course, framing this as a prequel to a classic film creates its own problems as it effectively paints the film into a corner at the risk of alienating a huge portion of the audience that would get up in arms if it does not tie into the original. So, The Thing '11 is almost like a cinematic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenario. Surprisingly though, it turns out pretty well. Maybe it was explained in Carpenter's film (or the preceeding film or the novella they all are based on) but why are all these people in Antarctica in the first place? I get that they are research teams but what are they researching? The balmy conditions outside? The mental stress of being cooped up in a reinforced cardboard box for months at a time? Alien mating call

Every generation has its defining movie premiere that lives in the annals of history: The Godfather , Star Wars , Weekend at Bernie's . Yet, #pbf and I were giddy with excitement late on a Thursday night in August 2010. The midnight premiere we were gearing up for: Piranha 3D . Sadly, Dimension Films in all their wisdom denied us a repeat event when Piranha 3DD was shuffled around the release schedule only to end up in a few dozen theaters. Dumbasses.

Written by: PBF Chernobyl Diaries  is basically The Hills Have Eyes . Except it sucks. Although, the premise is interesting and believable; too bad the writing and acting ruined all of that. Chris, Amanda and Natalie (Chris's girlfriend) are travelling through Europe. They see all the usual touristy stuff then head to Kiev, to visit Paul, Chris's brother. After that, they plan to visit Moscow. However, at breakfast, Paul describes something called "extreme tourism," which, as soon as he said that phrase, I imagined some twenty-something slamming a Mountain Dew and exclaiming, "I saw the shit out of Big Ben!" As it turns out, extreme tourism is simply a flashy term for touring places that one would not think of touring. For example, Chernobyl. Paul met a gentleman named Uri, who runs such a service and he describes it to the others. They are reluctant at first, but via Paul's charm and whimsy, eventually agree to go. Two others, Michael and Zoe, joi

Usually, when a film interests me, I go out of my way to read up on the story or cast or even read a few reviews from trust-worthy, non-spoilery places. This was not the case for The Cabin in the Woods , but only due to the urging of just about every shtick of information I read. There are a few things I feel comfortable going into with this review and some that I don't to preserve some of the charm. Just know this: this is one of the best horror movies recently mostly because it copies so shamelessly from all the rest.

Throwback movies prove that some films exist just for shits, giggles and entertainment without an agenda, completely unlike most of what the Academy nominated this year. After all, what can be better than a low-budget film featuring attractive women involved in a vicious fight between a ludicrous stop-motion tentacled monster? The answer: not The Artist .* Available today on DVD from Breaking Glass Pictures, El Monstro del Mar! is a quaint tale from Down Under about Beretta ( Nelli Scarlet ), Blondie ( Karli Madden ) and Snowball ( Kate Watts ), three women who are as much empowered as they are tattooed, who seek a shack with a waterfront view after ruthlessly killing two locals in their path. After arriving at the shack, Blondie and Snowball take the opportunity to play in the water before being verbally scolded by Joseph ( Norman Yemm ) for being there. As things escalate between the vixens and the old man, his granddaughter Hannah ( Kyrie Capri ) breaks it up and catches the g

Much like #pbf said in his review of Piranha , there are certain elements in a movie like this that almost defy you as a viewer to question them, thus making them exempt from critical thinking. I will fully admit to buying into those aspects whole-heartedly for Pirahna but I think my expectations were too high for Shark Night (or Shark Night 3D in theaters). From the illustrious David Ellis , director of the worst ever Final Destination movie (and that’s saying something), Shark Night straddled the line between good and so-campy-and-bad-that-it-is-in-fact-good that I was unimpressed with the final outcome. If you substitute Haddonfield for this random Louisiana lake and insert sharks for Jason Voorhees, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect from this film. Sara ( Sara Paxton ) and her college friends come to stay at Lake Crosby for a random weekend of fun and shenanigans. Unfortunately, the good times and fun are interrupted when one of the group is attacked while water-

I’m quite sure there were not a bunch of rabid fans demanding a sequel to 2008′s Quarantine , which if you recall was an almost shameless American rip-off of the Spanish film [REC]. Where [REC] was pretty well received and produced a decent sequel, Quarantine was merely an okay film bogged down by the fact that it fails at portraying supposedly real events with the polished and recognizable Hollywood actors. For that film’s sequel, writer/director John Pogue drops the found footage angle and sets up a storyline almost parallel to the events of the first. And it works for the most part. I chuckle at direct-to-video titles since they seem to fall into the trap of either a) crap that no one should see ever or b) crap that no one should pay to see in a theater but is otherwise manageable. Quarantine 2 is more of the latter even though the direct-to-video distribution model has a stigma attached to it which may lead you to dismiss it more easily. None of the characters from the origin

I caught a lot of crap at work for “liking” the Final Destination series . Primarily, this is coming from a guy who proclaims his favorite movie ever is the original Saw, so I consider his opinion moot. Given the unevenness of the series, I would say “tolerate” is a more appropriate verb for my feelings on these films. That seems fair since Final Destination films seem to range from pretty good, like the original, to the offensively stupid, such as a large chunk of part 3 and all of part 4. Since the various writers and directors of the previous four films seem to have moved on, Final Destination 5 's writer Eric Heisserer and director Steven Quale have almost a blank canvas to create on.

Written by: PBF The Summer of Massacre will arrive on DVD and Blu-Ray on January 10th 2012 via Breaking Glass Pictures. It is 5 stories so bloody; so full of carnage that it is apparently in the Guinness Book of World records for highest body count recorded in a film. I am too lazy to verify that, so, you know, go ahead and Google or Wikipedia that. Whichever one you use to tell you what to believe. You ever wanted to know what it would be like if Clive Barker took mescaline and then made a film? Joe Castro provides us with a pretty good guess. This film is ultra violent about 98.7% of the time. We have 5 chapters of dizzying images, ear piercing sounds and nonsensical industrial house music, and blood flowing like urine from a pissing contest atop Mt. Everest. I mean if something or someone could bleed, they did, as if their lives depended on it (!).

To prepare for the upcoming "Epic Finchercast," I revisited Alien 3, or Alien Cubed if you so prefer, since I haven't seen it since the early 90s after its debut on HBO. Since I was but maybe 10 or 11 at the time, I cannot hold myself too accountable for my disdain for this film since of course, at the time, I had not yet experienced Se7en, Zodiac, or Social Network. On the surface, Alien Cubed is a decent follow-up to the Alien saga. When viewed with the rest of director David Fincher's body of work, this was just the beginning. The main consternation of Alien 3 seems to be around the death of Newt and Hicks. Now, I love Aliens (and Michael Biehn) just as much as the next guy and at the time I was sad to see them perish off-camera in rather rudimentary ways. But as the crew's ship crash lands onto a Company-owned maximum-security prison/iron works/whatever, this time I began to see why that decision was made. Hicks was basically incapacitated and Newt, while

After the last creatively bankrupt installment of this franchise, it’s no wonder that the Weinstein boys decided to go back to the drawing board and reboot the Michael Myers saga with Rob Zombie‘s version of Halloween . Or is it a remake? Or a re-imagining? Much like the most recent Nightmare on Elm Street film, I was confused as to the point of it all. Are we trying to fill in needless backstory about Myers and his upbringing? Are we updating the tale for a more contemporary potty-mouthed audience? Does anyone have a clue at this point?

I was quite disappointed when Attack the Block did not receive a proper screening anywhere close to the Movie Scum headquarters, especially after hearing so much advance acclaim from the gazillion festivals and select screenings it had. Yet, the film is now in reach at your local Redbox or Blockbuster and I highly recommend a viewing for many of the same reasons given before: this is flat out a fun movie experience. Think back to when we (proverbially speaking of course) were kids and there were globs of adolescent empowerment films about kids saving the day while the adults were just sitting on their thumbs. Writer and director Joe Cornish is clearly a member of that generation as the best description I can give of this film is The Goonies meets Alien . Set in a not-so-nice part of downtown London, our core cast consists of a gaggle of delinquent youths, some legitimately of the tougher sort, some not. The gang, led by Moses(!) ( John Boyega ) holds up the meek and defenseless

Written by: PBF George: A Zombie Intervention (or George’s Intervention ) comes to us via Breaking Glass Pictures. It’s quite an interesting take on the genre, but poorly executed. The film opens with an educational film shown to school children. The opening was actually quite clever. It serves as exposition to us, and is meant to teach children the facts about zombies. Zombies have become members of society. So much so that there is a zombie technical support line. There are spores in the air that humans inhale. The spores lie dormant until the human dies. The spores then wake up and keep the brain functioning thus turning the human into a zombie. Not mindless Romero zombies. Rather, they simply remain their former selves, and are self aware that they are the undead. Unlike your typical film zombies, shooting them in the head does not kill them. It only makes them brain dead which turns them into the standard flesh seeking walkers. They only way to kill a zombie in this univers

October may be over but sadly I still have a few more of these movies to suffer through. After watching Halloween: Resurrection , I began to yearn for the unoriginal simplicity of H20 or the complete and utter nonsense of Parts 5 and 6. Resurrection is the worst type of horror movie: it offers nothing of value to the franchise or the genre as a whole and it all around sucks complete ass. This movie (among others no doubt) is why horror films are seen as cheap, disposable, and worthless. In fact, there aren’t any better adjectives to describe this monstrosity.

Halloween: H20 holds a special distinction for being the only DVD I own from a different country. I’m not really sure why I bought it on a trip to Germany over ten years ago since I cannot play it on a normal DVD player and my German is so shoddy now that I would need the dub track. But regardless, I have it on German DVD. I figured starting out the review with a random anecdote would be fine since this is more a technically-competent but superfluous anecdote than a real film in the Halloween series.