Chernobyl Diaries is basically The Hills Have Eyes. Except it sucks. Although, the premise is interesting and believable; too bad the writing and acting ruined all of that.
Chris, Amanda and Natalie (Chris's girlfriend) are travelling through Europe. They see all the usual touristy stuff then head to Kiev, to visit Paul, Chris's brother. After that, they plan to visit Moscow. However, at breakfast, Paul describes something called "extreme tourism," which, as soon as he said that phrase, I imagined some twenty-something slamming a Mountain Dew and exclaiming, "I saw the shit out of Big Ben!" As it turns out, extreme tourism is simply a flashy term for touring places that one would not think of touring. For example, Chernobyl. Paul met a gentleman named Uri, who runs such a service and he describes it to the others. They are reluctant at first, but via Paul's charm and whimsy, eventually agree to go. Two others, Michael and Zoe, join them on the tour. They arrive at the town where the families of the worker's once dwelled and are turned away by the guards. Uri finds another way in that is unattended. The group's interest and fascination increase as they explore a lake and empty buildings, but after a bit of a scare, decide it is time to go. Only the van will not start. Then all kinds of crazy Russian ghosty things start to occur.
This film was terrible from second 1. It has possibly one of the worst opening credit sequences I have ever encountered. It begins as a montage of footage of the gang as they explore Europe prior to getting to Kiev. It is filled with over the top, fake enthusiasm that exudes from each actors bodies and drills in to the viewer's face. And it hurts. Badly improvised one liners that are hardly funny, people dancing, sticking their tongues out. Fucking awful. And this behavior continues throughout the entire films. People making bad jokes as an aside while someone else is talking to appear "real." People do not talk that way, and if they do, David Mamet has penned their dialogue, not Shane Van Dyke, et al. He is also responsible for Titanic II and Transmorphers, so there you go. I know the film didn't have a summer blockbuster budget, but if you are going to make a picture with a fair amount of cash, HIRE BETTER ACTORS.
The characters in this film are complete morons. They make terrible choices all the time. One of the more frequent of those is the decision to run toward danger at any given moment.
As far as the horror aspect of it, it fails there as well. All of the scares are telegraphed and there is little to no suspense. Just lingering shots of an empty hallway and all the characters pushed to back left of the screen to make way for some random terror. And there is little to no gore. In fact I don't even know why this film is rated R. Probably because of the repeated use of the word "fuck," but settling for an R rating because if that is shooting yourself in the foot. You've just limited your audience (although it is #5 at the box office currently). Take out a half dozen "fucks" and then let more people see your terrible film.
There were some good things. The camera work was decent. It was shaky cam but not dizzying. It sort of makes you feel like you are running with them. Also, there were some choices that were interesting. There were a few points where part of the group is separated and you think specific people are going to be killed or taken, but it's the other way around. A few times, however, those moments were ruined by a last second obvious sign that it is going to happen differently.
This film could have been good. But throw someone from Asylum Pictures in to the mix, and you've poisoned it. Not worth seeing at all.
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