Movie Scum

When this movie was first announced as a prequel to the John Carpenter's The Thing , arguably one of the best horror movies ever made, I felt an odd sense of relief knowing that it wouldn't be an out and out remake. Of course, framing this as a prequel to a classic film creates its own problems as it effectively paints the film into a corner at the risk of alienating a huge portion of the audience that would get up in arms if it does not tie into the original. So, The Thing '11 is almost like a cinematic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenario. Surprisingly though, it turns out pretty well. Maybe it was explained in Carpenter's film (or the preceeding film or the novella they all are based on) but why are all these people in Antarctica in the first place? I get that they are research teams but what are they researching? The balmy conditions outside? The mental stress of being cooped up in a reinforced cardboard box for months at a time? Alien mating call...

Every generation has its defining movie premiere that lives in the annals of history: The Godfather , Star Wars , Weekend at Bernie's . Yet, #pbf and I were giddy with excitement late on a Thursday night in August 2010. The midnight premiere we were gearing up for: Piranha 3D . Sadly, Dimension Films in all their wisdom denied us a repeat event when Piranha 3DD was shuffled around the release schedule only to end up in a few dozen theaters. Dumbasses.

Written by: PBF Chernobyl Diaries  is basically The Hills Have Eyes . Except it sucks. Although, the premise is interesting and believable; too bad the writing and acting ruined all of that. Chris, Amanda and Natalie (Chris's girlfriend) are travelling through Europe. They see all the usual touristy stuff then head to Kiev, to visit Paul, Chris's brother. After that, they plan to visit Moscow. However, at breakfast, Paul describes something called "extreme tourism," which, as soon as he said that phrase, I imagined some twenty-something slamming a Mountain Dew and exclaiming, "I saw the shit out of Big Ben!" As it turns out, extreme tourism is simply a flashy term for touring places that one would not think of touring. For example, Chernobyl. Paul met a gentleman named Uri, who runs such a service and he describes it to the others. They are reluctant at first, but via Paul's charm and whimsy, eventually agree to go. Two others, Michael and Zoe, joi...

The general consensus was that The Avengers could not work as intended. Granted, Marvel Studios did their best in establishing the four main members of the group with their own films that were mostly pretty solid in their own right, but how can one film fit so much backstory, sarcastic quips, and charisma from the assembled team without it being six hours long? Enter Joss Whedon to write and direct it, complete with his own built-in cult of crazed fans even though his output has never included anything of this size or scope before. I can't say I am a rabid fan of Whedon, only because there are many gaps in his resume that I have not seen. Nonetheless, he seemed like a perfect choice just from the goodwill the internet has for him as well as the properties of his I have seen (like the completely awesome Cabin in the Woods).

Usually, when a film interests me, I go out of my way to read up on the story or cast or even read a few reviews from trust-worthy, non-spoilery places. This was not the case for The Cabin in the Woods , but only due to the urging of just about every shtick of information I read. There are a few things I feel comfortable going into with this review and some that I don't to preserve some of the charm. Just know this: this is one of the best horror movies recently mostly because it copies so shamelessly from all the rest.

Certain movies just scream for attention and Academy Awards because of the pedigree of cast and crew or their subject matter. If you recall, this was my main issue with last year's Best Picture winner The King's Speech . Yet, even though some films have the requisite check marks on the Best Picture to-do list, they fall between the cracks. Such is the case for J. Edgar . Directed by the award-winning Clint Eastwood , starring the award-winning Leonardo DiCaprio , and written by the award-winning Dustin Lance Black , this should have been a shoe-in for every award that Oscar could throw at it. This was not the case as it is a mostly entertaining tale but nothing showcasing great cinema. J. Edgar Hoover undoubtedly is a prominent figure in United States history and it is rather odd that a theatrical feature about his life has only just been made (not counting the appearances in other films or the Treat Williams' TV film). Good or bad, his name still stands upon FBI headqu...

Throwback movies prove that some films exist just for shits, giggles and entertainment without an agenda, completely unlike most of what the Academy nominated this year. After all, what can be better than a low-budget film featuring attractive women involved in a vicious fight between a ludicrous stop-motion tentacled monster? The answer: not The Artist .* Available today on DVD from Breaking Glass Pictures, El Monstro del Mar! is a quaint tale from Down Under about Beretta ( Nelli Scarlet ), Blondie ( Karli Madden ) and Snowball ( Kate Watts ), three women who are as much empowered as they are tattooed, who seek a shack with a waterfront view after ruthlessly killing two locals in their path. After arriving at the shack, Blondie and Snowball take the opportunity to play in the water before being verbally scolded by Joseph ( Norman Yemm ) for being there. As things escalate between the vixens and the old man, his granddaughter Hannah ( Kyrie Capri ) breaks it up and catches the g...

Honestly, I don't think I even know of this film before it came out in theaters a few weeks ago and I certainly had no desire to see it. Strangely though, Chronicle received so many positive reviews (85% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.6 on IMDb) that I thought I would be remiss without seeing it, especially as I had a free movie ticket burning a hole in my pocket. If all you know about it is "superhero found footage film" then stop now and go see it. I can almost guarantee you won't be disappointed. I suppose this was somewhat covered in X-Men: First Class (though honestly I don't remember how much), but the film's main angle is 'what would you do if you had super powers?' For Andrew ( Dane DeHaan ), Matt ( Alex Russell ), and Steve ( Michael B. Jordan ), the first answer is to fool around with it, all for fun and games of course. After their chance encounter with an odd foreign object, the trio develops the power of telekinesis and quickly use it to beam...

Much like #pbf said in his review of Piranha , there are certain elements in a movie like this that almost defy you as a viewer to question them, thus making them exempt from critical thinking. I will fully admit to buying into those aspects whole-heartedly for Pirahna but I think my expectations were too high for Shark Night (or Shark Night 3D in theaters). From the illustrious David Ellis , director of the worst ever Final Destination movie (and that’s saying something), Shark Night straddled the line between good and so-campy-and-bad-that-it-is-in-fact-good that I was unimpressed with the final outcome. If you substitute Haddonfield for this random Louisiana lake and insert sharks for Jason Voorhees, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect from this film. Sara ( Sara Paxton ) and her college friends come to stay at Lake Crosby for a random weekend of fun and shenanigans. Unfortunately, the good times and fun are interrupted when one of the group is attacked while water-...

I’m quite sure there were not a bunch of rabid fans demanding a sequel to 2008′s Quarantine , which if you recall was an almost shameless American rip-off of the Spanish film [REC]. Where [REC] was pretty well received and produced a decent sequel, Quarantine was merely an okay film bogged down by the fact that it fails at portraying supposedly real events with the polished and recognizable Hollywood actors. For that film’s sequel, writer/director John Pogue drops the found footage angle and sets up a storyline almost parallel to the events of the first. And it works for the most part. I chuckle at direct-to-video titles since they seem to fall into the trap of either a) crap that no one should see ever or b) crap that no one should pay to see in a theater but is otherwise manageable. Quarantine 2 is more of the latter even though the direct-to-video distribution model has a stigma attached to it which may lead you to dismiss it more easily. None of the characters from the origin...

One might be able to argue that Dane Cook or Nickelback’s success is funny, but one of the big taboos in comedy is cancer. You typically don’t see much humor derived from an ailment that affects millions each year. Screenwriter Will Reiser though effectively manages to take the topic of cancer and turn it into a honest, genuine, and surprisingly funny look on the craziness surrounding an already terrible predicament in 50/50. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Adam, essentially a stand-in for Reiser, who learns he has a rare form of cancer along his spine in the peak of his life. Seth Rogen, from reports who basically plays himself as he did to Reiser, is the supportive, opportunistic, and (of course) foul-mouthed friend to help along the way. We also meet Adam’s super-supportive girlfriend Rachel (Bryce Dallas Howard), his overbearing mother (Anjelica Huston), and his new-to-the-field therapist (Anna Kendrick) as they try and support Adam though the diagnosis, treatment, and aftermath. ...

I’ve already said my piece (twice actually) regarding The Hangover Part II , namely that I would not cry if it died in a blazing inferno. No such luck though as the film was released last Memorial Day weekend to buckets of money being thrown at it. I guess that means we can expect another sequel in a year and a half or so much to my chagrin since this entry was just like the first, except not funny. Perhaps that is too harsh. Perhaps Hangover II is in fact funny but I was too biased to notice. I don’t think that is the case though unless you equate lazy storytelling with funny. Much like the last film, there is a wedding involved, the “Wolfpack” getting into trouble with the locals and the authorities, a missing member of the group, a new addition to the group (this time there are three in fact), and shenanigans as our leads attempt to piece together the previous night’s events. And there is even a random song from Ed Helms and an appearance by Mike Tyson. What a coincidence! At...