Movie Scum

With the tidal wave of reboot/remake news washing over us daily, it's possible that we (I) completely miss or purposefully disregard that which does not please me. The news that there is a Naked Gun reboot being threatened does not surprise me. Nor does it fill me with joy.

SCENE: SWANKY CONFERENCE ROOM FILLED WITH OCP INVESTORS Old Man: Our system of entertainment is under assault and dangerous crime. The real crime: unoriginalty. In an effort to replace Hollywood with our own Delta City CA, we need a cop who not only has the weapons to fight these street thugs but the resources to use them. Ladies and gentlemen…. I introduce to you …..

When this movie was first announced as a prequel to the John Carpenter's The Thing , arguably one of the best horror movies ever made, I felt an odd sense of relief knowing that it wouldn't be an out and out remake. Of course, framing this as a prequel to a classic film creates its own problems as it effectively paints the film into a corner at the risk of alienating a huge portion of the audience that would get up in arms if it does not tie into the original. So, The Thing '11 is almost like a cinematic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenario. Surprisingly though, it turns out pretty well. Maybe it was explained in Carpenter's film (or the preceeding film or the novella they all are based on) but why are all these people in Antarctica in the first place? I get that they are research teams but what are they researching? The balmy conditions outside? The mental stress of being cooped up in a reinforced cardboard box for months at a time? Alien mating call

After the last creatively bankrupt installment of this franchise, it’s no wonder that the Weinstein boys decided to go back to the drawing board and reboot the Michael Myers saga with Rob Zombie‘s version of Halloween . Or is it a remake? Or a re-imagining? Much like the most recent Nightmare on Elm Street film, I was confused as to the point of it all. Are we trying to fill in needless backstory about Myers and his upbringing? Are we updating the tale for a more contemporary potty-mouthed audience? Does anyone have a clue at this point?

I was a bad horror fan when I saw Quarantine before [REC] since the latter was not yet available commercially. This remake is the same tale of some unlucky folks including a reporter and her cameraman trapped inside an apartment building with an rampant zombie problem. It might not be a fair comparison but Quarantine does not succeed to the level that [REC] does. The characters are nowhere as defined, the pacing trudges along, and even the scares are much more easily spotted in this film. It fails as a "found footage" film since almost every actor is recognizable in some way or another. There are much worse things to see since this does not blatantly insult you. But, you'd be better off with the original as long as subtitled movies aren't a turn-off.