Movie Scum

Written by: PBF In Movie Scum Episode #19, our good friend Kenny from United Front Gaming mentions George A. Romero’s Survival of the Dead . The topic of that episode? Worst movies ever.  After viewing this, I would say that it is better than Diary of the Dead . Just barely. There is a place called Plum Island, that is inhabited by two families: The O’Flynns and the Muldoons. The Muldoons are especially happy with this arrangement, as they do not care for strangers. Plum Island is in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, as the events of Survival take place after the events in Diary. The Muldoons, led by Seamus, do not kill zombies. Rather, they chain them up and let them live, in in the hopes that there will be a cure so that their loved ones may live again. The O’Flynns, led by Patrick, prefer to dispatch anything that is undead. Much like a pro choice debate, this causes a rift and ultimately leads to Patrick O’Flynn being sent off the island. Patrick’s daughter convinces Seamus

Written by: PBF Apparently, I just don't get Jody Hill films. Supposedly, they are extremely funny, and just go right over my head. This is my new favorite math equation: unfunny movie + me realizing it is unfunny = I'm stupid. Well, according to message boards, anyway. Which of course, is where most film geniuses spend their time. Jody Hill, who wrote and directed Observe and Report , directed and co wrote The Foot Fist Way . Neither film have a lot going on as far as plot, and they have little else going on either. Foot Fist is about Fred Simmons ( Danny McBride ), a Tae Kwon Do instructor with a hot wife and a Ferrari. He isn't quite as cool as he thinks he is but he means well, and his students (young kids to senior citizens) like him. After finding out his wife gave her boss a hand job, he loses it a bit, and takes a road trip to meet his hero, martial artist and movie star Chuck "the Truck" Wallace. Wallace agrees to come to Simmons's students'

Written by: PBF Less Than Zero is a film adaptation of the Bret Easton Ellis novel of the same name. I have never read the book, but from what I can gather, the film takes many liberties, and much of the book is changed or left out entirely. So much so that when the movie was released, Ellis even refused to see it. After many years, Ellis changed his opinion of it, even stating that it would be a good idea to make a sequel to the film, based on his sequel to the novel called Imperial Bedrooms . The beginning of the film shows three friends, Clay (Andrew McCarthy ), Julian ( Robert Downey, Jr. ) and Blair ( Jami Gertz ) as they are graduating high school. They live in California and come from wealthy families. Clay and Blair are a couple. Clay goes to college, while Julian stays home to become a record producer. 6 months later, Clay receives a phone call from Blair asking if he will be home for Christmas. He tells her yes, and then has a flashback in which we learn that Blair al

With over a dozen films written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen (not to mention the several dozen nominations and awards as well), it is fun to go back and watch their first venture into filmmaking and see the same traits that make their movies stand out now implanted in film over twenty five years ago. One of the most powerful movies I have watched over the past few years was the Coen’s No Country For Old Men and even with two decades separating them, I saw a lot in Blood Simple . that would come into play again and again in their films. The title comes from the novel Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett to describe the behaviors and actions of a person after a particularly traumatic experience. The first half of the movie is a slow burn as we are introduced to Ray and Abby, two budding lovers much to the chagrin of Abby’s husband who happens to be Ray’s boss. After Marty, the husband, receives confirmation of their adultery from a private investigator, he decides to have Ray an

Written by: PBF So, Jeff Anderson played Randal in Clerks and Clerks II . Now You Know is a movie he wrote and directed. I wish the memory of this movie would Randal out of my brain for me, much like his character did out the door for Dante. Now You Know is the story of Jeremy ( Jeremy Sisto ) and Kerri ( Rashida Jones ). The film opens after a (rather insulting to Anderson in my opinion) title card that reads "Kevin Smith Presents Now You Know" is presented to us. Jeremy is having a bachelor party and hints around that he has an announcement. Either to build suspense, or perhaps torment the viewer with the promise of something exciting only to let the viewer down, his friend talks him out of making this announcement so that everyone can continue to get drunk, bang the hooker and have a good time. Later, it is revealed that Kerri called off the wedding, but did not explain why. Rather than just asking why, a 102 minute film ensues in which we alternate back and forth

Well, fall is officially upon us. At least according to the calender as the weather here apparently has not gotten that memo. Currently, we are a mere seven days away from the tenth month of the year, one which is most commonly associated with fall foliage, chilly nights, and of course Halloween. But there is a great deal upcoming in the next few weeks other than Breast Cancer Awareness Month and my favorite Leif Erikson Day that will make this next month one to remember. 9. The Walking Dead Okay, so this technically isn’t relevant on a site dedicated solely to movies but that’s okay. Because this upcoming AMC television series looks more and more badass with every trailer, clip, and image that is released. Based on an immensely popular graphic novel series which I religiously flip through while in Barnes and Noble, this will be a weekly series that takes place after some kind of zombie apocalypse renders the majority of people mindless flesh freaks (did you like that?). If yo

Written by: PBF The Slammin’ Salmon is the most recent film that has been released by the comedy troupe Broken Lizard. This one was directed by Kevin Heffernan , as opposed to Jay Chandrasekhar , who directed the troupe’s previous films. “Slammin” Cleon Salmon is a former boxer that owns a restaurant called the Slammin’ Salmon (this will be the last mention of the film’s title). He bets the head of the Japanese Yakuza $20,000 in a rousing game of Japanese Albino Hunting and loses. He needs the money by tomorrow so a challenge is placed to the staff of the restaurant to make $20,000. The prize is $10,000 to the top waiter (don’t worry; it’s part of the comedy, not a plot error) while the punishment for the lowest performing waiter is a broken rib sandwich. Cleon is played by Michael Clarke Duncan, so as you may imagine, that is a large and painful sandwich. Broken Lizard has a small collection of films including Super Troopers and Beerfest . It seems like the more movies they

The late nineties was a good period for the not-quite-seventeen Puck as the underpaid teenage theater workers of the world cared more about discussing the merits or Chumbawamba or Alicia Silverstone and less about keeping young impressionable minds like mine away from gore and violence in R-rated movies. Thus, Digger and I were able to attend a showing at a long since defunct theater to see Event Horizon , our enthusiasm based only off of the plot synopsis and images I had seen online. To Digger’s recollection, we were almost literally blown away by the oppressively loud speakers in the theater but I was more taken into the relative beauty of the film. Now, don’t get me wrong, you cannot call Event Horizon groundbreaking or award-winning by any stretch but it has a special charm that still warms a place in the cold, dank chambers of my heart. One of my favorite aspects in just about any movie is a small, self-contained cast of characters. With the main crew eight strong, there is

Written by: Digger Before I get to the review proper, I need to point out that we are now living in a day and age where any random person can be driving down the road, look up, and see the words KICK-ASS plastered on a movie theater marquee.Much like Pluto being booted from its planetary status, it seems the word “ass” no longer counts as profanity. Unlike other comic book movies, the film Kick-Ass and the limited Marvel Comic series of the same name were developed simultaneously. Even so, there are some significant differences between the comic series and the film, which I will touch on as they arise. The story begins with New York high-school student David Lizewski ( Aaron Johnson ) asking himself, and the audience, why no one has ever tried to be a comic book-style superhero. In spite of the fact that he has no special powers or tragic past, and has to purchase a superhero costume on the internet, Dave genuinely wants to help those in need and make a difference in his commun

Written by: Digger Duncan Jones ’ Moon is a science fiction story in the purest sense of the term. It concerns the plight of Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) working alone on the moon running a facility that mines Helium-3 for an energy company back on Earth. Inside of the first scene the audience is crushed by the sense of isolation shown to us as Sam has only GERTY (voiced by Kevin Spacey) the station Artificial Intelligence with whom to communicate. Through the simple premise of a man alone on the moon, this film explores speculative technology that leads Sam and the viewer on an emotional and introspective journey of what it really means to be human.

Written by: PBF I love it when I find a movie I have never heard of, and it turns out to be good. Video X: The Dwayne and Darla-Jean Story would have you believe that you are watching actual events from a video shot by a couple from Kentucky. You aren’t, but the film does a damn good job making you think you are. Dwayne and Darla-Jean are starting a new life and heading to Little River, and are video taping the escapade.  While at a campground, they are robbed and all of their money is stolen. They are nowhere near their destination, and Dwayne refuses to go back home, and be ridiculed for failing on day 1 of their journey. They resort to stealing from a convenience store, and the plan goes horribly awry, and their vacation becomes a completely different kind of road trip. I will summarize no further, so as not to ruin the pleasant progression that occurs. I have yet to see a film shot in this hand held video style, ala Blair Witch Project , that successfully has me believe th

Written by: PBF I had never actually seen the entirety of Team America: World Police until today. From the creators of South Park is an absolutely hilarious, offensive, politically themed action movie parody, complete with their song “Montage” in which the lyrics describe what a montage is during a montage. Also included is “America, Fuck Yeah!” and quotable lines like “Derka derka derka.” Also, the film includes perhaps one of the most disturbing sex scenes, ever. Did I mention that there are only voice actors, because everyone is a puppet? Completely over the top, but not without a valid message.

Written by: PBF Dave Parker, the writer/director of The Dead Hate the Living! said that he wanted to make the most un-Full Moon movie that he could. Full Moon Entertainment has brought us such delights as Puppet Master , Killjoy and was a distributor of Gingerbread Man 2: Passion of the Crust. What Parker meant was, he wanted to make a film without small creatures and make a film that felt as much like a real movie as he could make it. I assume he meant “real” literally, as he also said he purposely made the film referential of the low budget genre. Believe me, the film is full of references. We have a group of young filmmakers shooting a zombie picture. Through some forced exposition we learn that this is the director, David Poe’s first movie. His best friend Paul is the effects guy, and his two sisters are actresses (although Nina Poe’s part was secretly given to Shelly Poe, because everyone hates Nina). The film location is an abandoned hospital, which, again through an awkw

Written by: PBF This movie is shocking! Yes, the fairly intriguing  premise and lackluster delivery is shocking to say the least. Feed introduces us to Phillip Jackson, an Australian detective as he is on a case in Hamburg. We watch as he discovers a man feeding another man his own penis. We then watch as he and his partner Nigel, move on to another project. They comb the internet in a sloppily paced and sort of confusing 10 minutes or so looking for a cyber crime worth mouthing off to the Captain and putting their badges on the line for. They find a site that has a live web cam of a man feeding a 600 lb woman. Phillip (luckily for the audience) explains to Nigel how this fetish works, and what feeders and gainers are. As Phillip explores and tries to gain access to the site’s restricted areas, he figures out what is really going on. This man is force feeding woman and taking bets on how long they will live and how much weight they will gain. Hooray, a cyber crime to solve! In s

Written by: PBF In my attempt to escape the horror pattern I have been entrenched in, I selected Just One of the Guys as my next review. As it turns out, the director, Lisa Gottlieb , also directed an episode of Freddy's Nightmares (the Nightmare on Elm Street television series). The film's star, Joyce Hyser , appeared in that same episode. Terry Griffith (Hyser) is a high school student who has almost everything she wants. Her parents are rich, she has a car, she's beautiful, she goes out with a college dreamboat that is also rich. She dreams of becoming a journalist and the local paper is running a contest where students can submit articles for a chance to be published. The winning "reporter" will also get an awesome summer job at the paper. The article she submits does not get selected, and two male students' work does. This coupled with a comment from her journalism teacher convinces her that she was not selected because she is a hot girl that no

Written by: PBF Despicable Me is brought to us by Universal and Illumination Entertainment. Illumination has some seriously questionable projects going on. Like Where’s Waldo? and The Addams family directed by Tim Burton. Can we stop giving Burton films that can be easily transformed into a Bauhaus fan’s newest favorite picture? Gru ( Steve Carell ) is a villain. He hopes to be the worst, and thereby the best villain in the world. An unknown villain steals a pyramid in Egypt and the crime makes national news. Determined not to be outdone, Gru attempts to get a loan from the Bank of Evil. The loan is to fund the construction of a rocket. He plans to steal a shrink ray from a lab, take the rocket in to space, then shrink and steal the moon. The bank denies the loan, however, informs Gru that if he gets the ray, they will give him the money. They explain that he is old and that there are many younger, more capable villains that they would rather loan money to. One of these young

Written by: PBF Nothing telegraphs an explosion better than the line, “Are those fuel tanks?” Meat Market 2 takes place some time after the events of the first film. We see Argenta kill Shahrokh after he turns into a zombie. She, one of the vampires, and a random one eyed Asian wander around foraging for food and supplies. They find another survivor and at her suggestion follow her. She tells them that she heard a radio broadcast about a place to go for food and shower, etc. and was on the way there herself. Naturally, they ignore all sense of skepticism and follow her only to be tricked. The survivor is really a Lieutenant for a military concentration camp or cult or some such nonsense, and surprise; the three of them are the newest addition to the camp. The camp is run by the Reconstruction Commerce Association of North America. Their goal is to rebuild society. They execute undesirables, perform experiments on some prisoners if acceptable for that sort of thing, and the healt

Written by: PBF As I walked around the office today telling people that I had seen Piranha 3D…well, let’s be honest, bragging that I had seen it, every single person said the same thing to me: “Oh, that movie looks terrible.” Well, yes. Yes it is. It’s fucking Piranha. As if the plot mattered, this incarnation of Piranha starts with Richard Dreyfuss playing Matt Boyd drinking an Amity beer. If you see this and don’t immediately understand that the following film will be nothing but a tongue in cheek, referenced ladened gore fest, then leave the theater immediately and go see Dinner for Schmucks. You obviously need your humor unfunny, and force fed to you. An underwater earthquake occurs and releases a swarm of a particular species of piranha that has not been seen in millions of years. Meanwhile, above the water at Lake Victoria, thousands flock for Spring Break, providing the obligatory hedonism required before a masked killer or hungry fish lay waste to the area. Loud mu

Back in February after the release of Cop Out was bombarded with negative reviews from many different critics, director Kevin Smith took to Twitter to explain how reviewers were out of touch with the general movie going populace. His main point (and this is from memory because I am damn sure not going back through all of Smith’s tweets to refresh) was that reviewers did not appreciate the movie for what it was intended to be: a light buddy-cop comedy with throwbacks to its 80s brethen. Less than twenty-four hours after watching a movie that did successfully replicate a lost 80s movie (that would be Piranha, review here ), I can safely say that may have been the intention here but a bad movie got in the way. Taking the old buddy-cop formula, Cop Out does absolutely nothing else with it. Here we have two partners who are loose cannons, destroy things in downtown New York City, get reprimanded and suspended by their captain, and yet continue to investigate a theft and a drug-smuggl

Written by: PBF As bad as this movie was, I kept telling myself, “At least it’s better than Flesh Freaks .” That was until the lesbian, laser toting vampires showed up. Before raping my eyes, Meat Market sounded like a decent Zombie picture. There are bizarre attacks on humans that are thought to be animal attacks. Two former employees of a security agency figure out that they are not animal attacks, but zombies, and as it turns out, the company they used to work for is responsible. Not half bad, right? Well, I am angry at all who were involved with this. Now, in this movie’s defense, there were some positives. The zombie make up was actually pretty decent for a film this low budget. If you can watch it long enough, you can find some fairly nice shots and scene transitions. In what I thought was a very clever touch (and I must have misunderstood this), I thought that this was going to be a sort of “A Modest Proposal” scenario, which would have explained the title of the film.