Every once in a while, someone comes up with an idea that makes you think “Man, why hasn’t that been done sooner?” About a year ago in a conversation with Digger, I remarked how I’d like to see a balls-to-the-wall action movie with all of the action heroes of old. Little did I know, and Digger was quick to point out, that Sylvester Stallone already had that idea with his upcoming movie The Expendables.
Even though I had heard mostly positive things about the movie (mostly from my testosterone-driven friends and associates), I was hesitant. When you put Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and more together in an action movie, it could either be awesome in a manly kind of way or very over-the-top and cheesy. I assume that director Stallone was going for the former but the cheese factor came into play far too much for my taste.
We have all of the requisite action tale staples: an exotic locale, a former colleague who goes rogue, a main bad guy, and a love interest whose part mainly consists of giving exposition and being dragged from room to room. The plot is basically a thinly veiled ruse for action-packed scenes and the details are not important for us to know. I just want to see death and destruction. On that front, Expendables delivers in spades with some of the more off-the-wall but similarly spectacular action sequences since the heydays of the 80s. Once, my father and I tried to keep a running tally of the people Schwarzenegger gunned down in Commando. Needless to say, we lost track. I wouldn’t be able to make tic marks fast enough to keep up here.
For its intended purpose, the aforementioned cast as well as Terry Crews, Steve Austin, and Eric Roberts (!) do their best to chew scenery and look busy while things explode around them. But everything comes to a grinding halt whenever there is any talky-bits that I assume are supposed to provide depth to the characters. This does not work well. Rourke has a tender reflection on the preciousness of life (I think that was the point at least) that not only reeked of overacting but it was also incredibly out of place. Similar for Li’s crying that he has to work harder because he is smaller than the rest of the team. I assume that scene was also for comedic purposes but it was odd and wholly unnecessary especially considering the kick-ass car chase that was about to commence.
In fact, one of my main problems was that there was so much freaking dialogue. Save for a few members, this cast is not well known for substantial acting abilities. All I needed were a few one-liners sprinkled into the wall-to-wall gun fights and car chases and a line or so just to give a flimsy story of why these men are going to this foreign country to kill a bunch of people. Admittedly in most films, I get irritated at the lack of a narrative but this is one of those movies where I am all but willing to give that a pass.
The main thing I would have liked to see in the movie is some silly, self-referential material. I’m not asking for Kevin Williamson style awareness but let’s be honest. Stallone is well within the AARP membership bracket and to have him, or even some of the others on the team, address that would have elevated it from a random action movie to a random action movie that knows it’s an action movie. There’s a big difference.
All in all, Expendables wasn’t quite what I expected it to be. Granted, I had no idea what the hell to expect from it but still. Perhaps with the apparently already greenlit sequel, Stallone can take things a little more lightly and give us what we want. Hot girls like Charisma Carpenter and Giselle Itié, senseless violence, and not a lot of pointless character-driven scenes. I feel a bit silly criticizing a movie for having too much plot, but then again, I know I did not expect that from this movie.
Even though I had heard mostly positive things about the movie (mostly from my testosterone-driven friends and associates), I was hesitant. When you put Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and more together in an action movie, it could either be awesome in a manly kind of way or very over-the-top and cheesy. I assume that director Stallone was going for the former but the cheese factor came into play far too much for my taste.
We have all of the requisite action tale staples: an exotic locale, a former colleague who goes rogue, a main bad guy, and a love interest whose part mainly consists of giving exposition and being dragged from room to room. The plot is basically a thinly veiled ruse for action-packed scenes and the details are not important for us to know. I just want to see death and destruction. On that front, Expendables delivers in spades with some of the more off-the-wall but similarly spectacular action sequences since the heydays of the 80s. Once, my father and I tried to keep a running tally of the people Schwarzenegger gunned down in Commando. Needless to say, we lost track. I wouldn’t be able to make tic marks fast enough to keep up here.
For its intended purpose, the aforementioned cast as well as Terry Crews, Steve Austin, and Eric Roberts (!) do their best to chew scenery and look busy while things explode around them. But everything comes to a grinding halt whenever there is any talky-bits that I assume are supposed to provide depth to the characters. This does not work well. Rourke has a tender reflection on the preciousness of life (I think that was the point at least) that not only reeked of overacting but it was also incredibly out of place. Similar for Li’s crying that he has to work harder because he is smaller than the rest of the team. I assume that scene was also for comedic purposes but it was odd and wholly unnecessary especially considering the kick-ass car chase that was about to commence.
In fact, one of my main problems was that there was so much freaking dialogue. Save for a few members, this cast is not well known for substantial acting abilities. All I needed were a few one-liners sprinkled into the wall-to-wall gun fights and car chases and a line or so just to give a flimsy story of why these men are going to this foreign country to kill a bunch of people. Admittedly in most films, I get irritated at the lack of a narrative but this is one of those movies where I am all but willing to give that a pass.
The main thing I would have liked to see in the movie is some silly, self-referential material. I’m not asking for Kevin Williamson style awareness but let’s be honest. Stallone is well within the AARP membership bracket and to have him, or even some of the others on the team, address that would have elevated it from a random action movie to a random action movie that knows it’s an action movie. There’s a big difference.
All in all, Expendables wasn’t quite what I expected it to be. Granted, I had no idea what the hell to expect from it but still. Perhaps with the apparently already greenlit sequel, Stallone can take things a little more lightly and give us what we want. Hot girls like Charisma Carpenter and Giselle Itié, senseless violence, and not a lot of pointless character-driven scenes. I feel a bit silly criticizing a movie for having too much plot, but then again, I know I did not expect that from this movie.
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