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Random Movie: True Grit (2010)

You might have noticed the western category is a bit barren. Personally, I don’t have a problem with westerns but I can probably count those that I’ve seen on one hand. When it was announced that the most always dependable Joel and Ethan Coen were gearing up for the remake of True Grit, I was worried that my lack of experience in the genre would detract from my enjoyment of the film. The Coen’s True Grit is reportedly a more faithful adaptation to the Charles Portis novel than the 1969 movie baring the same name. Having not read the novel nor seen the original film (refrain from stoning me until I complete the review, please), I had no idea of whose words, smothered in thick accents and drawls, I was hearing coming from the characters, Portis’ or the Coen’s. It was entertaining nonetheless. The main character Mattie Ross narrates the film telling of the time when she sought a lawman to hunt down her father’s murderer, Tom Chaney. Mattie has gumption beyond her fourteen years as

Random Movie: Village of the Damned (1995)

In the past two decades, once prolific horror director John Carpenter has made only six features, one of which has not seen a proper release here in America. If Carpenter was still making movies as creepy and effective as Halloween or The Thing, this would be bothersome. Village of the Damned typifies Carpenter’s later entries in the genre, notably bland stories, decent-to-awful acting, and very little redeeming qualities. It was a disappointment especially coming off his far superior film the year prior, In the Mouth of Madness. The film takes place in the small California town of Midwich, population 2000 (or so the quaint sign says at the beginning). It is not long however that the population tally starts fluctuating as the entire town is struck by an unexplainable mass black-out for six hours. Shortly after the blackout occurs, all of the women of childbearing age become pregnant, some even without the corresponding act of coitus. This is not only worrisome to the residents but

Who the Hell Asked for a Bodyguard Remake?

I think we all get that the fat cat film producers are either plum out of ideas or unwilling to take a chance on anything new. That is the reason we have about a dozen sequels, prequels, sidequels, and whatever else coming out this summer. But who in the hell thinks a remake of Kevin Coster’s The Bodyguard is a good idea? Based on my hazy recollection from fifteen years ago or so the film itself isn’t necessarily bad albeit a little cheesy and overly-romanticized for my tastes. But is this such a high concept that it warrants a remake? Hell, what is to stop Warner Brothers from taking the same concept, casting Usher and Lady GaGa, and calling it Absurdity: The Movie? People complain all the time that recent movies are blatant rip-offs of previous films (most recently The Roommate = SWF). I guess film studios are now going to acknowledge that something is a remake (you know, because any similarities are then intentional). Sadly, I’m sure that this will be a surefire hit just like th

Random Movie: 127 Hours (2010)

Written by: Digger The problem with basing a movie on something that actually happened is that most people are going to know how it ends. While most movies based on historical wars or other large scale events can get around this by focusing on unknown facets or personal stories of people who played minor roles in the grand scheme of things, how do you put any surprises in the story about one guy who had to amputate his own arm? Interestingly enough, director Danny Boyle found a way. Literally all I knew going in to 127 Hours is that a climber gets trapped by a rock and has to cut off an appendage to escape his eventual death. Strangely, this foreknowledge actually made the anticipation and the emotion of the film’s imminent climax all the more intense, but I’m getting ahead of myself. The film follows the novel ‘Between a Rock and a Hard Place’ written by Aron Ralston, the mountaineer who survived the film’s central event in 2003. So that would make this the third time Ralston ha

Mini Scum: The Chase (1994)

Writer/director Adam Rifkin tackled classic OJ elements with The Chase starring Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson . Sheen plays an convicted felon who happens to be innocent and Swanson is his unwilling victim in pursuit by almost every cop in southern California. The majority of the movie takes place inside the car but the growing relationship between the two leads, the television crew with the pursuing officers (including Henry Rollins ), and the pervasive punk-rock music keep things moving nicely. For good measure there is some stinging commentary on the vapidness of the media but a fun ride is in store regardless.

Mini Scum: The Chase (1994)

Writer/director Adam Rifkin tackled classic OJ elements with The Chase starring Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson. Sheen plays an convicted felon who happens to be innocent and Swanson is his unwilling victim in pursuit by almost every cop in southern California. The majority of the movie takes place inside the car but the growing relationship between the two leads, the television crew with the pursuing officers (including Henry Rollins), and the pervasive punk-rock music keep things moving nicely. For good measure there is some stinging commentary on the vapidness of the media but a fun ride is in store regardless.

Random Movie: Salt (2010)

In the genesis of most action movies, I can’t figure developing the plot matters much (other than The Expendables). It seems that most action oriented movies are just big, explosive set pieces tied around a loose narrative fiber holding things together. At least though we have an idea of why our action star is running around jumping onto cars and getting into gunfights whether it is for revenge or to save a life or whatever. Salt makes no pretense that it is an action movie first and foremost, even though that means that we are watching action for the hell of it with no idea of why. The titular character, Evelyn Salt, is a relatively normal CIA agent until one day a Russian defector walks into her office and names Salt as a deep-cover Russian spy. Salt quickly dismisses the notion but her superiors are seemingly convinced after the proclamation by the former Soviet thug with little other evidence against her. Salt runs in an effort to find her husband but then changes course to h

Random Movie: Bleading Lady (2011)

Written by: PBF Bleading Lady (or Star Vehicle, apparently) is the latest film by Ryan Nicholson, of Gutterballs and Hanger “fame.” It arrives on DVD March 29th, courtesy of Breaking Glass Pictures. This film is much less gory and offensive as Hanger and takes a sort of “straight” approach. What results is a rather mixed bag of things. Don Cardini (Dan Ellis) is a movie set driver who transports cast and crew to and from set. He is currently working on a film that stars his favorite scream queen Riversa Red (Sindy Faranguna). Don and the director of the film, Luke (Nathan Durec) do not like each other, mainly because Don is a deidcated horror fan and has a distaste for rip off films, which he believes Luke is making. He especially does not like this as Riversa is in it, and he has a thing for her. When Don learns that Riversa has a bit of a stalker problem, he sort of employs himself as her personal assistant. Don shows Riversa a copy of a script that he wrote, which she likes. L

Random Movie: Half Moon (2011)

Written by: PBF ***THIS REVIEW PROBABLY CONTAINS A SPOILER*** Half Moon will arrive on DVD on March 1st via Breaking Glass Pictures. It is writer/director Jason Toler’s take on the werewolf story. There are quite a bit of issues with the film, but it is impressive nonetheless. Rose (award winning adult star Tori Black) is a hooker who like most hookers, is under strict and violent management by a pimp, and needs to make some cash. While working the streets, Rose and her fellow hooker friend Tammi are talking. Tammi tells Rose that tonight is “payday” as one of regulars will call her and he usually pays quite well and normally does not even want to have sex. Tammi asks Rose to hold her purse while she takes a piss, and ends up getting arrested. This happens to occur at the exact time that her regular, Jacob (Marek Matousek) calls her. Rose answers and needing money and knowing Tammi will be unable to make it, pretends that she is Tammi and meets Jacob at his hotel. What starts o

Random Movie: Yonggary (1999)

Written by: Digger Before I even get started, let me set a few things straight about this film. The movie Yonggary has kind of a twisted past.   Although billed as a remake of the 1967 South Korean monster movie Yongary, the title and country of origin are really the only things the original film shares with its 1999 counterpart.  In an attempt to help the movie appeal to a broader international market, the film was produced with an English-speaking American cast.  The film was initially released in South Korea and internationally in 1999 but a second version of the film, with additional scenes and “improved” special effects, was released in 2001.  This remastered version, retitled Reptilian or Reptile 2001 in the United States, is currently available on DVD, and is the version that I am reviewing. Now, with all that out of the way, this movie opens with a team of archaeologists exploring a cave and some of the most horrific line deliveries in recorded history. Throughout this pict

Random Movie: Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

Written by: PBF Glengarry Glen Ross is quite brilliant. David Mamet (screenwriter, the film is adapted from his play) loves dialogue, and if an actor cannot handle it, it’s very easy to tell. There is no issue of that in this film. Everyone in this film execute his words perfectly. Basically, the film is the story of four real estate salesmen who work for Premiere Properties (played by Al Pacino , Jack Lemmon , Alan Arkin and Ed Harris ). The owners of the company ask Blake ( Alec Baldwin ) to come in and “motivate” the salesmen. He explains that the top seller for the month will win a new Cadillac, the second place salesman will win steak knives and everyone else will be fired. He gives a quite HR inappropriate, vulgar, insulting and yet entertaining speech which scares and pisses everyone off  except Roma, (played by Pacino) who is not required to attend the meeting, as he is top salesman. Blake shows the salesmen the Glengarry leads, which are “gold.” Levine (Lemmon), whos

Random Movie: The Other Guys (2010)

Written by: PBF I am an Adam McKay fan. Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers? I enjoy all of those. The Other Guys, however; was an utter disappointment. Detectives Highsmith (Samuel L. Jackson) and Danson (Dwayne Johnson) are your typical action movie cops. Hanging on to the roof of bad guys’ cars as they are being chased by the rest of the police. Jumping from moving vehicles. Gamble (Will Ferrell) and Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg) are desk jockeys, Gamble having been transferred from Forensic Accounting and Hoitz having accidentally shot Derek Jeter. Gamble and Hoitz are desk mates, and thus “partners” and are made fun of quite a bit. Gamble actually enjoys his desk work, while Hoitz is a “peacock that needs to fly.” Hoitz and Gamble (Gamble by force) seize an opportunity to become the kind of detectives that Highsmith and Danson are by trying to take on an exciting case, but largely screw up. However, by slowly focusing on what seems like a routine, boring non-movie case, they

Random Movie: The Kids Are All Right (2010)

One of my all-time favorite movies (and one I am terrified to do a proper review on) is American Beauty. Something in that film just grabs me every time I even think about it whether it be the music, the great acting, or the exposé on real life. Perhaps not strangely then, I thought about American Beauty quite a bit while watching The Kids Are All Right. And not just because Annette Bening was in both. Perhaps you can view this as the American Beauty for the new millennium. Nic and Jules have a dedicated, yet stressful marriage. Nic is a successful doctor who sometimes can be a bit overbearing; Jules is more of a free-spirit: a homemaker with an occassional odd job on the side. They have a two kids, Jodi and Laser, a nice house, and even a Volvo. If it hasn’t been spoiled for you already, allow me: Nic and Jules are gay. When the almost-college-bound Jodi (Mia Wasikowska) reaches out to the man whose sperm conceived her and her brother, the family is introduced to Paul (Mark Ruff

Random Movie: Devil (2010)

I trust you heard of the response that average movie-goers had when M. Night Shyamalan‘s name appeared at the end of the trailer for Devil. If you did not, (Spoiler alert!) they laughed heartily. Honestly, after the string of dreck that the man has churned out over the years, any goodwill his name would have afforded ten years ago has mostly evaporated. However, Devil is allegedly the first in the Night Chronicles, a series of films based on ideas from Shyamalan acting as a producer only. Given the output of this film, I’d say this is a better way for him to rebuild his fanbase. Admittedly, the premise doesn’t sound like much other than a 30 minute episode of some anthology series. Five strangers are trapped in an elevator. One of them is the devil. I shouldn’t have to put a spoiler warning to let you know that not all of them survive. As a movie focused only on that would run thin rather quickly, there are also a couple security guards, a maintenance man, and a Philadelphia detectiv

Random Movie: The Expendables (2010)

Every once in a while, someone comes up with an idea that makes you think “Man, why hasn’t that been done sooner?” About a year ago in a conversation with Digger, I remarked how I’d like to see a balls-to-the-wall action movie with all of the action heroes of old. Little did I know, and Digger was quick to point out, that Sylvester Stallone already had that idea with his upcoming movie The Expendables. Even though I had heard mostly positive things about the movie (mostly from my testosterone-driven friends and associates), I was hesitant. When you put Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and more together in an action movie, it could either be awesome in a manly kind of way or very over-the-top and cheesy. I assume that director Stallone was going for the former but the cheese factor came into play far too much for my taste. We have all of the requisite action tale staples: an exotic locale, a former colleague who goes rogue, a main bad guy, and a love i

Random Movie: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Written by: PBF Guess what? I kind of liked this one. If nothing else, I appreciate that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning adheres to the previously established storyline, etc. of the preceding film. Same basic plot is once again employed; small group of young adults travelling through Texas for one reason or another are interrupted in their trip and fall into the hands of Leatherface and whatever random family he is with this time. In this installment we witness the “origin” of Leatherface, or Thomas Hewitt (in this universe). His mother works in a slaughter house and dies giving birth to him while on the job. Her boss, throws the baby (Leatherface) away in a dumpster. He is found by a member of the Hewitt family and taken to the plantation house from the previous film. Thomas ends up working at the same slaughterhouse but it gets closed down. Thomas kills his boss (the very same one that threw him away) and is stopped on the road by the only law enforcement person in a

Random Movie: Fido (2006)

Written by: Phil Carpenter Is that blood on your Zombie? For my first review, I thought I'd choose a movie about a subject very near and dear to my heart: Zombies. This is a quaint, heartwarming movie about a young boy named Timmy Robinson ( Kesun Loder ), his parents, and his beloved pet, Fido . Timmy and Fido go the park, take walks, etc. Timmy gets picked on by bullies and Fido saves the day. Oh, I forgot to mention Fido is a zombie. The beginning of the movie explains that the zombie war/apocalypse has already taken place, humanity has taken the majority of control over the situation, and everyone's lives can return back to normal-ish. The corporation Zomcon has invented a collar that renders the zombies docile and semi-functional, allowing them to be controlled and used as house servants. All this takes place in 1950's America, with all the trappings you'd expect: the music, brightly colored houses with white picket fences, and prejudices against anything

Case Study: Why I Hate the Notion of Remakes (NOES ’10)

**THIS RANT CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ANY NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET MOVIE** A remake/reboot/reimagining/whatever is truly not a bad idea at the surface. There are many films or even ideas that are not fully realized in their original form whether it suffered from technological limitations, poor production, or other issues. Other than the George Lucases of the world, most filmmakers or companies are not able to retroactively go back and fix problem areas in an already released movie. The problem comes in when a remake offers nothing over the original other than a polished look, a slew of teen actors, and a more modern setting. The Nightmare on Elm Street remake is one of those offending movies. For any movie, whether it is based on an existing property or somewhat original idea, the goal should be to create something not only enjoyable but a film that can stand on its own. The Nightmare remake (which PBF did a wonderful job summarizing my thoughts before I had them in his review) leans

Random Movie: Phantoms (1998)

I’m sure you’ve probably seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. If not, I’m sure you know someone who has seen it. Even if that isn’t the case, I am confident to say at some point in the past ten years, you’ve heard the following: “Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms.” This throwaway line from a completely different movie probably sums up what most of the population knows of director Joe Chappelle‘s film. However there is a line actually in Phantoms which is more appropriate: “I needed the money” renowned professor Timothy Flyte (Peter O’Toole) replies to the question of why he works at a trashy tabloid. I suspect that would be the response from most when questioned about their involvement to this movie. Adapted from his novel of the same name, writer Dean Koontz takes what I recall was a decent, if largely forgettable, tale of a band of survivors in a deserted town against an unknown enemy and turns it into a clusterfuck of random occurrences and plot points that make no sense what

Random Movie: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Written by: PBF The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the first of many remakes by Platinum Dunes. While I feel it is better than most of their others, I still question the need of making any sequel, remake or otherwise to the original. In this “chapter,” we are taken to August 18, 1973, two days before the police archive video we watch takes place, complimented with narration by, once again, John Larroquette. 5 young people are travelling to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in a van all stoned and having a good time. The driver, Kemper (Eric Balfour), almost hits a girl wandering in the middle of the rural road they are travelling. They pick her up, only to be subjected to her ramblings about a “bad man” and eventually her suicide, via a handgun produced from her crotch. Traumatized they attempt to find local law enforcement in the backwoods that they are travelling in and come across a gas station. The old lady working there says that the sheriff is at the mill but he will be there in 2 hours