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Things Are People Too! Top 9 Inanimate Objects

While most films deal with real, physical threats from other people or nature, some are brave, or perhaps nonsensical enough, to focus on objects that only exist to be an extension of the human experience.

Leslie Nielsen's Been Dead Long Enough. Viva 'The Naked Gun!'

With the tidal wave of reboot/remake news washing over us daily, it's possible that we (I) completely miss or purposefully disregard that which does not please me. The news that there is a Naked Gun reboot being threatened does not surprise me. Nor does it fill me with joy.

Winter is Coming; 'Frozen' is Still a Thing

Anyone between the ages of 18 months and 113 years has heard of Disney's smash animated hit Frozen. Also, each of those folks have heard 'Let it Go' about 228 times per aggregate. Naturally, the House of Mouse has dictated that is not enough Ana, Elsa, and goddamn Josh Gad in our lives so Frozen 2 is a go . Of course, this comes as a shock to no one. Least of all the merchandisers and retailers who are filling the coffers of their retirement accounts with Olaf snow shovels and Elsa electric blankets.

The Hoff Joins 'Sharknado 3'; Adds a Professional Presence

While the first Sharknado "film" flourished simply from a completely idiotic premise and D-list cast members, the upcoming SyFy original movie Sharknado 3 seems to be upping the ante. In addition to some guy from 90210 and Tara Reid, whose best role was either in American Pie or Urban Legend , the film's "producers" felt it necessary to add weight to the ensemble with the likes of Mark Cuban and Ann Coulter. But now, they can all pack up and go home since The Hoff, aka David Hasselhof, has come aboard to presumably show these amateurs how to showbiz in the most self-deprecating way possible. I only hope they can squeeze in a slow-mo beach shot and/or a David Hasselhof theme song. Time will tell when Sharknado 3 invades Washington D.C. and your poor DVR in July. Entertainment Weekly: David Hasselhoff joins Sharknado 3

What the Hell is Going on With the Ghostbusters?

First, it just seemed that Dan Akyroyd was plain out of his mind. Then, Sony announced an all-female led Ghostbusters sequel/whatever. And now? Chaos .

Random Movie: 21 Jump Street (2012)

If you would have asked me six months ago about the 21 Jump Street remake, I likely would have had a pained look on my face paired with an enthusiastic thumbs down. I wouldn't have been the only one as #pbf remarked in his rant just prior to its release. As the premiere grew closer and I kept seeing more trailers and clips, I felt a small glimmer of hope that it could actually be good. Yes, even with Duke himself, Channing Tatum , playing a lead role. I can't say I am a fan of the originating series but nor am I a foe. Given that I was five when it premiered and never caught it in reruns, I was not as perturbed at the piggy-backing on a famous name as some. Yet, like most in the movie-watching world, I am leery and over saturated with crap movies churned out simply because they ride the coattails of nostalgia. Thankfully, I believe Jonah Hill and writer Michael Bacall share that sentiment as Jump Street is not just an empty box office cash-grab for the fans of a nearly

Random Movie: Heavenly Sword (2014)

There are not too many positive examples of video-game-to-film transitions that you can point to. Some, like the first Resident Evil movie, are spun off from their console counterparts into a mediocre cinema treat that is begging to be forgotten after you’ve concluded watching it. Others are rancid piles of feces. Heavenly Sword: The Movie (based on the hit interactive graphic adventure!) falls more toward the former than the latter. It is not however without its own issues. About six weeks ago, Kenny asked me to review this film. Having never even heard of the game before, I was reluctant to take part for fear that it catered solely toward those already familiar with the premise. Having read the film’s summary on Wikipedia, I realized that it did a fine job in conveying some of the more important points but due to the necessary truncation, some elements were not as fleshed out as I would have preferred. I blame Todd Farmer, writer of the interstellar juggernaut Jason X. Heavenly

Random Movie: Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

As one half of 2013′s dueling White House under siege films, Olympus Has Fallen is so patently absurd that it is borderline offensive. From the opening frame of the film, the story apparently takes place in a fictitious universe that lacks any common sense of terrorist attacks, tactical ability, or even the best way of not dying from automatic machine gun fire. But even though it is stupid enough to make your eyes bleed, this is way better than it has any right to be.

Twister 2 Exists! Only Now It's Called 'Into the Storm'

Considering that Twister was 1996′s second highest grossing film , I have always found the lack of a rushed, blatant studio-cash-in sequel puzzling. Even as the years ticked by, I can't help but think that Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt, and Jami Gertz all had their agents pestering Warner Brothers for a follow-up, even if it in all likelihood would be a soulless reusing of the first's films flimsy structure without any of the accidental charisma that the original had.

Paramount is Officially Out of Ideas

The following exchange took place in an episode from season 4 of the great Seinfeld .

Random Movie: RoboCop 3 (1993)

Somewhere between Peter Weller deciding to hand over the RoboCop suit to Robert John Burke , the big wigs at OCP, or whatever big business in charge, decided that RoboCop needed to be more family friendly, thus leading to the first PG-13 film in the series. Never mind the fact that the original is a gory mess, even for an 80s movie, and the sequel probably expended more rounds than the Persian War, some damn parental board decided RoboCop should be a corporate product complete with action figures and cars and even it’s own spin-off TV show not too much later. Hence: RoboCop 3 . Since the last installment, old Detroit has gone to shit even more, OCP has merged with some Japanese company, and a military-esque team is brought in to force them damn ghetto people out by force for the construction of OCP’s idealistic Delta City. Luckily the ragtag team of CCH Pounder , Stephen Root , Daniel von Bargen , and a cute, smart displaced girl with uncanny computer skills decide to fight the pr

Random Movie: RoboCop 2 (1990)

It’s almost funny that Irvin Kershner , director of the undisputed best Star Wars movie, was tapped as the director of RoboCop 2 . While I can’t say I’ve seen any of his other works, he seems to be the studio-appointed and restrained errand boy as opposed to Verhoeven on the original. So naturally with the law of sequels, RoboCop 2 features most of the same players but with a bigger foe in the titular character. Stripped of its social and historical allusions, RoboCop 2 is just another sequel that attempts to up the ante with less else new to offer as the evil conglomerate OCP attempts to recreate RoboCop from a psychotic drug dealer. Surprisingly things don’t work out as planned which fortunately leads to one of the best police shootouts on film. But instead of the heroic journey that Murphy endures in the original, here he is sidelined and neutered. Even though the finale of the last film had Peter Weller’s character realizing he is more than simply a corporate product of dest

Random Movie: RoboCop (1987)

With the release of the newest RoboCop reboot trailer which I must say has me intrigued, I wanted to officially revisit the original of which I've seen approximately 413 times. While the argument can be made for just about any remake, RoboCop is one of the few "old" movies that has more cultural relevance today than it did upon it's release. Big conglomerates, similar to OCP, are basically running the United States; the city of Detroit is bankrupt and probably will snap up any corporate sponsor it can, and between drones and the NSA and everything else we know nothing about, technology seems to be far outpacing our ability to harness it. If it sounds like I am paranoid, I am (not really at least). But basically all of this was foretold twenty-six years ago with arguably Paul Verhoeven 's most complex film, excluding Jesse Spano in her Showgirls stage. Much like many of the age-inappropriate movies I consumed under the age of 10, the themes and allusions o

Random Movie: World War Z (2013)

From the jump, World War Z has been plagued with problems. From ire among fans of the book that the film takes the title, but little else from, to the well-publicized production and budget woes, to last minute reshoots, the writing on the wall indicated that this would be a disaster. Yet somehow, in spite of a title that is still very divisive, a director who is not quite known for his action directing abilities, and a "family-friendly" PG-13 rating, World War Z is actually a pretty solid film and juggernaut at the box office. I'm sure we'll see the sequel World War Double-Z in 2016.

Blow-bocop (2013)

SCENE: SWANKY CONFERENCE ROOM FILLED WITH OCP INVESTORS Old Man: Our system of entertainment is under assault and dangerous crime. The real crime: unoriginalty. In an effort to replace Hollywood with our own Delta City CA, we need a cop who not only has the weapons to fight these street thugs but the resources to use them. Ladies and gentlemen…. I introduce to you …..

What's the Most Acclaimed TV Show You've Never Watched?

Dexter has come to a close on Showtime. Breaking Bad is close to its final episode. In the current television landscape you no doubt will come across someone who loudly exclaims while covering their mouth with their hands after telling them you haven't seen their favorite TV show. Unless you are an unemployed mouth breather with government handouts at your whim, chances are you are working and being a productive member of society and thus, not able to take advantage of the plethora of ways to consume entertainment these days.

Watch Marky Mark’s Response to The Happening

I have made no qualms about my feelings about The Happening before and this is not the post to indicate that has changed. Just like many of M. Night Shyamalan’s recent movies, The Happening is a mess but one that I am more and more convinced has to be intentional.

News: MOAR WALKING DEAD AND TIMECOP!!

AMC CEO Says No End to The Walking Dead in Sight (comingsoon.net) AMC is not content to let The Walking Dead die with grace and dignity when the time comes and instead will parade around its lifeless corpse to viewers and advertisers alike. But, given the massive ratings it currently gets, why would they? Perhaps when every last ounce of stupid-female subplots and wholly unsatisfying story arcs is exsanguinated from the series will it be allowed to expire. And then they’ll bring back Lori and Andrea to start the cycle of idiocy over again. And we’ll probably still watch.

Just Die Already! Top Franchises That Need to Retire

While much derided, sequels can serve a purpose, not just` to the financial end of Hollywood, but also to the creative side. As a member of the audience, there is a comfort in watching a new movie with foreknowledge of its characters or its basic plot structure, especially if the preceding movie is one that you enjoyed. But at some point, every franchise needs to be put out to pasture to spend the rest of its days playing golf and listening to Paul Harvey.