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Random Movie: Boogie Nights (1997)

Written by: PBF Paul Thomas Anderson ’s Boogie Nights is inspired by, loosely based on or whatever you want to call it, the life of porn star John Holmes (at times, it even directly lifts dialogue from interviews with Holmes that appeared in a later documentary in which featured Anderson) . While the two are similar, it is more so a fictitious depiction of the lives of some folks in the porn industry during the 70s and 80s. It does have some true elements to it, such as the movement to get porn to convert from film to videotape. Ultimately, it is an examination of several people’s lives as they move in and out of the adult film world. The main story of this film revolves around Eddie Adams ( Mark Wahlberg ), a 17 year old who works at a car wash by day and a nightclub at…well, night. Eddie believes that everyone has one special thing that they are blessed with. His special thing happens to be a penis that hangs around 13 inches or so. The particular nightclub that he works for,

Random Movie: Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)

I don’t have air conditioning in my car. This makes commuting rather uncomfortable especially last week as a blistering heat wave across the country produced temperatures in the 100s. See the images on the top and side of this post? Click one and help Puck have AC. Anyways, on insanely hot days, I almost always think of Die Hard with a Vengeance as it is a movie that almost makes you sweat from the heat atop the New York City streets. Let’s disregard that a lot of the film was made in South Carolina. But I’m rambling now, so let’s get on with the review. When I reviewed Die Hard some time ago, it had been a while since seeing it. Thus, I was captivated at the sheer brilliance of it all, not just for a “mindless” action film, but because it is a damn solid story that pretty much built all the action movie tropes still in use today. It’s second sequel though, DHWAV for short, gives Hollywood a damn fine template for creating a action sequel that is not downright insulting to the v

Random Movie: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Marvel has had a pretty good batting average since taking their films in-house a few years ago beginning with the lauded Iron Man . Even though their latest films have not lived up to that high standard (in fairness, that's not an easy task), their output has been consistently on the good side with Thor and the latest Hulk movie both being quite enjoyable. Of course, the big draw is next year's Avengers , the super-superhero movie which will hopefully find a way to congeal all of these wildly different comic book protagonists in a cohesive sense. The last stop before Avengers though is the first Avenger: Captain America . I should not need to preface this review by saying I know squat about the comic series; this should be assumed by now. Captain America was created in the early 1940s but rose in popularity during World War II for obvious reasons. The comic, as well as the film center around Steve Rogers ( Chris Evans ), a scrawny kid from Brooklyn, who desperately wants

Random Movie: The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

I was going to write an opening paragraph along the lines that many women I know have proclaimed that The Adjustment Bureau is good movie. I figured I would just allude to it and move right along but only after making an off-hand statement that women have different tastes than I and this did not seem the type of film (Matt Damon and his alleged “hunkiness” notwithstanding) that the female subsect of society would be interested in. But that would make me seem like a mid-twentieth century pig. And I would be completely wrong as you can possibly surmise from the categories listed above. I don’t necessarily have a problem with “romance” movies. They just are not designed with my sensibilities in mind. I can still objectively review them from a critical standpoint to determine if they are completely bland and unsurprisingly (not unlike Love and Other Drugs) or a remarkably decent story merely concocted around a lovey-dovey tale like this film. Written and directed by George Nolfi, the f

Mini Scum: The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)

What can I say? I am a glutton for courtroom dramas even though they seem to all end the same. Matthew McConaughey plays the titular lawyer who spends his time defending the less-than-innocent. If you took an episode of The Practice and bred it with an episode of Law & Order , I suspect this is pretty close to the outcome. Some of the twists in the story are okay, even if they are given away by the previews, but this ultimately seems like a by the book legal thriller. It doesn’t help that McConaughey’s presence invokes A Time to Kill , a much more effective drama. There is a lot of talent that goes untapped from William H. Macy to the still smokin’ Marisa Tomei but the story featuring the possibly guilty rich boy Ryan Phillippe is short on surprises, even though Phillippe seems to be trying to prove he is a real actor.

Random Movie: Exit 33 (2011)

Written by: PBF Exit 33 will be released to DVD on August 2 via Breaking Glass Pictures. It is directed by Tommy Brunswick and stars Kane Hodder . You may remember Hodder from his role as the best Jason Voorhees ever (in arguably the worst installments of that franchise). He has also appeared in Adam Green’s Hatchet films (and many others). A small group of friends (some travelling alone, some together) are going to their 5 year high school reunion. On their way, they come across Ike’s Last Chance Gas. In addition to owning the gas station, Ike (Hodder) is a bit of a taxidermist and also makes a fine venison jerky. His deer heads and jerky can be found in his store. This station lies off of Exit 33, which not often used (despite the 9 or so visitors in one night). Ike and his store seem a bit creepy. For good reason. Ike is deeply troubled and has a terrible secret. Unfortunately for some of his patrons, they find out exactly what it is.

Random Movie: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

If you would have told me a few months ago that I would have liked Transformers: Dark of the Moon , I would have laughed heartily. Yet, I begrudingly must say that this Transformers movie is a staple in action cinema and … a pretty good movie to boot. Well, maybe I won’t go that far ... I was going to write full reviews of the preceding two movies but out of laziness and an inability to sit through the entirety of both, I did not. I can summarize though. The first was a decent action movie wrapped around some of the most annoyingly cliched characters ever put to film. It was passable. The second was an insult, not only to the senses but also to anyone who has ever found any movie ( Weekend at Bernie’s not withstanding) thought-provoking. TF2 was a train-wreck, mostly in story, but that was quickly talked off as a by-product of the writer’s strike that year. That would make sense then if the entire film was ad-libbed on the day of shooting. I guess at this point, we can forget a

Random Movie: Speed (1994)

I may have said it before, but let me reiterate: 1994 was a huge year in movies for a young Puck. Today’s random movie was one of the apexes of my love for movies. I saw Speed in theaters only once but I more than made up for it when it was released on VHS (ahh, nostalgia). Within a week, I was quoting the movie verbatim to all of my discerning middle school friends. They thought I was a loon. Perhaps they were right. But then again, Speed kicks ass. So, I claim victory even if none of them will know it. Almost immediately, Speed kicks off with a rather enthralling opening that is actually relevant with rest of the movie! A mad bomber has rigged a downtown L.A. elevator with a bomb that spells doom for the dozen or so passengers on board. With some quick thinking by S.W.A.T. members Jack ( Keanu Reeves ) and Harry ( Jeff Daniels ), the bomber’s plans are thwarted and the passengers saved with the bomber allegedly blowing himself up once the jig is up. Sometime later, Mr. Bomber

Random Movie: Strangers Online (2009)

Written by: PBF Strangers Online is excruciating. Watching it is like watching one of those Cinemax movies that come on at 2am, but actually trying to care for and follow the plot. Yes, this film should be nestled right between Sex Games: Vegas and The Bare Wench Project. Much like my relationship with this film, Hollis Parker (Noel Palomaria) is trying to forget the memory and stop the nightmares of when his wife was murdered 4 years ago. Currently, he hosts a web show called Strangers Online. Guests call via their web cams for sexual and relationship advice, to show their bodies, or sometimes just to be plain weird. Hollis’s show is quite popular, as is he. Hollis is in therapy, as he is guilt ridden over not being able to protect his wife from being murdered. This is what leads to his nightmares. He lives in seclusion with his girlfriend, Laura (Eva Frajko). A new intern, Karen (Tara Killian) has quite a crush on Hollis, which develops into an unhealthy obsession. Laura also

Random Movie: Bloodlust Zombies (2011)

Written by: PBF In yet another porn to mainstream transition, adult film star Alexis Texas stars in Bloodlust Zombies . This film is sort of a piss poor combination of Office Space and Zombieland . And porno. It arrives on DVD on July 5th. So there is this office building. In the building there is a lab where some kind of chemical is being developed and tested. At the beginning of the film, all we know about it is that it seems to make house cats insane. The boss and Andrea (Texas) are having sex when they accidentally tun the office intercom system on. The entire building can hear the fornication and react by laughing and/or mimicking sexual positions. Why, even the serious minded lab workers join in the fun and accidentally cause a spill. Someone gets bitten by an insane house cat test subject and BAM! There’s your outbreak. So, to be more factual, these would be blood lust infected, not zombies. It is later explained that the chemical was actually designed to be used in wars as

Random Movie: Dawning (2009)

Do you know what most low-budget independent movies lack? Well, a lot of things normally. A decent script, competent direction, halfway tolerable actors, and so much more are typically absent in some of the lowest of low budget movies I’ve suffered through. Do you know what this movie lacks? A few dollars and a big studio behind it. Otherwise, Dawning is an excellent example of how a few talented people with a modicum of cash can make a film that the big budget affairs should strive for. Apparently, Dawning spent an inordinate amount of time (or perhaps a normal amount for this budget range) in development in different stages, reshoots, and the like. Given the final product, this is no doubt a good thing. This film even perfectly illustrates why I don’t like being around family: it’s awkward. Chris ( Jonas Goslow ) and Aurora ( Najarra Townsend ) are trekking out into the middle of nowhere to meet up with their father and stepmother at their cabin. There is certainly a lot of hist

Random Movie: Predator 2 (1990)

Up until today, I cant remember the last time I watched Predator 2 in its entirety. Whenever I see it on TV, on Demand, or on the Jesusflix, I usually catch the first fifteen minutes with arguably one of the greatest action-movie gunfire battles ever. The rest of the movie? Well, lets just say it does not live up to its opening, but surely not for a lack of trying. Apparently Los Angeles in the late 90s wasn't destined to be a nice place. We can get additional confirmation from watching Demolition Man. But anyways the gangs in L.A. are fierce, the drugs are flowing with ease, and the cops are outmanned and outgunned to do anything about it. Lieutenant Mike Harrigan ( Danny Glover ) causes much consternation with his superiors when he goes against orders and enters a downtown building filled with gang members. Fortunately for the police, an unknown party takes out the coked-up rapscallions leaving behind lots of blood, a skinned body, and the fresh scent of Predator-ing. As

Random Movie: The Anniversary at Shallow Creek (2010)

Written by: PBF The Anniversary at Shallow Creek is very reminiscent of other horror films. It’s predictable. It’s formulaic. And yet…I kind of enjoyed it. College kids and lovers Sam and Paige have decided to take a nice vacation to Sam’s uncle’s house. Unfortunately, Paige’s brother Anthony invites himself and his girlfriend along, and then 2 more kids join. What was mean to be a romantic getaway turns in to a party for 3 girls and 3 guys. The house appears to be located in a desert or a just plain under developed area where the houses are so far apart, you can make as much noise as you want, and no one else will hear you. The name of the place is Shallow Creek, and exactly one year ago to the day, a young couple were murdered in the same area. Will history repeat itself? What the hell do you think? Drunken young people on vacation in a remote location where people have been murdered before? Well, I wont spoil it for you. Yes. So, here’s the thing about this film. You wil

Random Movie: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

We here at Movie Scum love the Jesusflix. Most of the time, it is truly a blessing. Recently however, I found myself at odds with it upon seeing Speed 2: Cruise Control would be available for instant viewing. Under normal circumstances, I would be able to resist the temptation to watch it as that would mean putting forth effort to either buy or rent it. But, when I saw it was on the Jesusflix, I caved like a trampoline under a fat kid. I have previously seen this movie a whopping one time in theaters upon its release. After it hit video later that year, I bought a VHS of it from Kmart. It was defective. That was likely divine intervention. Yet, I have always wondered: is it really that bad? Was I just a naive kid at the time like the rest of the IMDb readers who cumulatively rate this movie with a 3.4? Would I be able to wring some enjoyment out of watching it again? The answers to those questions are yes, no, and … well, sort of. Taking my least favorite method of sequelism, Spee

Random Movie: X-Men: First Class (2011)

The danger about making a prequel to an established series is the basic fact that we know how everything will end. This almost negates any power of surprise the film might otherwise have. But, it is neat in a prequel to see how the stage is set and everything goes down and if the known end point for the characters and the story can be reached in a logical manner. X-Men: First Class pulls this off in spades. Much like every other comic book series, I have no concept of the X-Men backstory, the character’s origins, or whatnot other than what I’ve seen in the movies. And I’ve only ever seen the first two X-Men films. I am okay with this because not only do I hear Part 3 and Wolverine are garbage, this movie apparently does not regard them as cannon. In recollection to the first film of the series, First Class begins with a young boy ripped from his parents and yoked into a Nazi concentration camp. A man stands behind a window and watches as this young boy almost rips a metal gate

Random Movie: Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

Written by: PBF Given its competition, Kung Fu Panda 2 is probably the last movie on most people’s list to go and see right now. I sincerely hope not, as Kung Fu Panda 2 is very enjoyable, even better than its predecessor and will entertain adults and children alike. In the first Kung Fu Panda , we met Po ( Jack Black ), a panda with a goose (James Hong) for a father and devoted fan of the Furious Five, a group of Kung Fu masters. He defeated Tai Lung and attained the title of Dragon Warrior. In the sequel, China faces a new villain, a peacock named Shen ( Gary Oldman ). Shen has vowed to destroy Kung Fu and has developed a deadly weapon to help him accomplish this goal. While fighting a pack of wolves stealing metal for the weapon, Po notices a symbol and suddenly has a flashback of his mother. This prompts him to ask his father Mr. Ping where he came from, as clearly he could not have been born of geese. He learns that this is true, but the story he is told does not reveal m

Random Movie: Animal Kingdom (2010)

Well, this was not the movie I expected. Admittedly, I knew very little about this film prior to watching it other than it won a good amount of Australian Film Institute awards and even an Academy Award nomination for Jacki Weaver. I was thinking it to be a zoo-based comedy that also featured Guy Pearce but instead, writer and director David Michôd provides a thoughtful and powerful look at family, crime, and why mixing the two is bad business. Seventeen-year-old Josh (James Frecheville) calls his grandmother to inform her of his mother’s untimely death after a heroin overdose. At least, once he can pull himself away from the Down Under equivalent of Deal or No Deal. Grandma Smurf (Weaver) takes Josh in and soon he is reunited with the uncles he has not seen for some time as Josh’s mother disapproved of the family. She had a point. Pope (Ben Mendelsohn), the oldest, is a has-been armed robber looking for a new trade. Craig (Sullivan Stapleton) is a manic and paranoid drug-dealer w

Random Movie: Ninjas vs. Vampires (2010)

Written by: PBF Ninjas vs. Vampires is writer director Justin Timpane ’s follow up to Ninjas vs. Zombies (which I have not seen). I must apologize to Mr. Timpane. While viewing this film, I sent Puck a text calling this film terrible. I rescind that. There are some terrible things in the film, but I now find that adjective to be not applicable to the film as a whole. Aaron and Alex are hanging out late at night at what is sure to be an unsafe location. They have known each for years, and Alex considers Aaron to be her best friend. Aaron on the other hand, has stronger feelings and would like to be her boyfriend. He vocalizes this and is quickly shot down. To further ruin his night, the pair is suddenly attacked by vampires. Just when it appears a feeding is to occur, a group of ninjas appear and save them. “What the fuck?” you say? I assure you, I type the truth. The group is part actual ninjas, as they practice martial arts, but they are also some sort of X-Men type group in

Random Movie: The Green Hornet (2011)

2011 must be the year of the superhero. Or at least the year of the superhero that I couldn’t care less about. Nolan’s next Batman doesn’t come out until next year after all. But, I figured I would be remiss without catching at least a few of the genre’s offerings this year and what better place to start than with The Green Hornet , the 3D big-budget film that was released … in January? Weird. Seth Rogen plays lovable slacker (seems like a stretch for him) Britt Reid, who is the playboy son of widower newspaper mogul, James Reid. His father is constantly disappointed due to his attention- and headline-grabbing antics. When his father dies, Britt meets Kaito ( Jay Chou ), a coffee-making car aficionado who worked for the family and commiserates with him about how much of a dick his father was. In a drunken act of rebellion, Britt and Kaito set off in bulletproof Chrysler Imperial to deface the recently erected statue of James Reid and foil a robbery nearby thanks to Kaito’s impres

Random Movie: I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Written by: PBF Remind me to keep my mouth shut the next time I say I should have been scarred . 2010's I Spit on Your Grave is a remake of a 1978 film of the same name. I was unimpressed by the original with its bland characters, lack of tension and surprisingly boring execution of a heinous serious of events. The rectifies these issues, but to the complete extreme. The story is the same; a writer named Jennifer arrives in the deep country to write her first novel. Before she gets to her cabin, she interacts with some locals, a healthy mix of creepy, retarded and seemingly harmless. An embarrassing event occurs at the gas station which establishes part of a motive for some depraved acts. This combined with a retarded chap\'s misinterpretation of a kiss from Jennifer, quickly results in the go ahead for those acts. Jennifer is assaulted, mentally tortured, and ultimately raped repeatedly. Before the assailants can kill her, she jumps into the river and disappears. Her b