Movie Scum

Written by: PBF I must hand it to writer/director Chad Ferrin. I was convinced that I would hate Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! But, I did not. I actually liked it. Mindy (Charlotte Marie) is a hard working single mother to Nicholas (Ricardo Gray), who is a sixteen year old boy that is stricken with “Mental Retardation Cerebral Palsy.” Mindy’s boyfriend, Remington (Timothy Muskatell) is a bit of a douche bag with a fondness for hookers and cocaine. He also dislikes Nicholas, and the feeling is requited. Easter is Nicholas’s favorite holiday, as that is when his father died. When he is given a bunny by a homeless fella, Nicholas names it Easter Bunny, and finds solace in telling him his feelings about Remington. On Easter morning, Mindy is called to work a double shift and must leave her son in the care of Remington who promises that the two of them will be best friends by the time she gets home. This however, is not the case. Remington invites a friend of his to come over to “play” wi

After the original was released and grossed roughly 7000x its budget at the ticket counters alone, it didn’t take long for a sequel to be greenlit. Now with the Saw series allegedly over, Paramount has positioned Paranormal Activity to take the crown for late October horror franchises that are likely to get beaten into the ground. It is pretty safe to say that if you liked the first PA, you will probably like this one too. But that is mostly because it is the same exact movie as the first with different choices in how it is shot and more characters. And a dog. And a monster robot pool cleaner. While I didn’t dislike Paranormal Activity 2 , I cannot really see where it can go from here for the already planned part three or beyond. The first worked well because it was different, not so much in plot or execution, but from what we were seeing at the time. The gimmick though is gone and it is almost as if the producers decided to remake the first movie to throw the audience off. After

PBF again was quick to point out that Battle: Los Angeles was getting quite horrendous reviews. After Drive Angry, I see a trend emerging. The funniest review I have read thus far was written by Roger Ebert who basically advocated breaking all ties with someone taking you to this movie. It strives to be what Digger referred to as a “big, dumb action movie.” There is no characterization, no good performances, and nothing monumental or important is attempted. Even though it is offensively derivative, Battle: LA is a quintessential big, dumb action movie. Naturally then, I was entertained. Let’s get this out of the way: do you remember Independence Day? How about Starship Troopers? Aliens? War of the Worlds? Any other battling against aliens movie? Then you know exactly what is going to happen. And by exactly, I mean you can see it coming like a bright red Mini in a vampire movie. Aaron Eckhart is Staff Sergeant Nantz, a grizzled Marine who has done his twenty years and has signed his

Written by: PBF Ryan Reynolds certainly has come a long way since the Nickelodeon teen drama Fifteen. Buried takes place entirely in a large wooden coffin buried a few feet underground in Iraq. Paul Conroy (Reynolds) is a truck driver whose convoy was attacked while working there. Children were throwing rocks at his truck, an IED blew up one of the other trucks, and the next thing he recalls is waking up in this box.  Also in the box is a Zippo, a BlackBerry (not his), a glowstick, a candle, a flashlight, a note written in another language, a knife, a pen and Paul’s anxiety medication. Damn Paul’s luck suffering from anxiety having been buried in a coffin alive. This film could have gone horribly awry, what with the numerous possible plot holes, one of which being him buried with so many items that would be useful to him. Well, I assure you, he is in this box for a reason and each item serves a specific function essential to that reason. One of the other more obvious conce

When I was talking with PBF saying that I wanted to see Drive Angry in theaters, he responded: “Why would you want to see that? I’ve heard it’s awful.” I would like to evoke his own defense in the Piranha review and say, well, yeah. That is kind of the point. Before the interviews and commercials started, I knew approximately two things about Drive Angry. The first is that it is written and directed by the same team who made the new My Bloody Valentine, which came out well in advance of the spate of 3D crap floating around and was a pretty fun flick. Second, Nicolas Cage was in it. And this is ridiculously over-the-top Cage from such head-scratchingly good blockbusters as Con Air or Face/Off. Cage can be a downright boring actor when he is playing things straight. When he is not, well, I defer now to The Rock or any of the aforementioned movies for sheer entertainment value. No one should be expecting grand cinema when walking into see Drive Angry, which the poster and commercial

Written by: PBF Ah, the restaurant industry. Definitely an excellent muse for a movie script. Rob McKittrick was working in a restaurant while he wrote Waiting… The result is an alarmingly accurate depiction of what it is like to work in the food service industry, with some exaggeration to try to appeal to those have never been gainfully employed in this vocation. Honestly there really is not much of a plot. The film mostly takes place during one day at work at Shenaniganz, a casual dining restaurant. It’s like any other restaurant; filled with guests who can’t order steaks at proper delicious eating temperature, poor tippers, assholes that complain about everything. The only real continuous storyline involves Dean (Justin Long) who has been a server for 4 years. Much like many servers, he took the job as a temporary gig, while taking classes at community college, but somehow ends up there longer than planned. When his mother tells him of his former classmate Chet, who now has

Written by: PBF Road Games bares a strong resemblance  to Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window, only this one is on the road. This makes sense as the film’s writer/director Richard Franklin was a Hitchcock fan, and even directed Psycho II. While not nearly as good as Rear Window, at least it was better than the “update” Disturbia that was vomited onto movie screens years later. Patrick Quid (Stacey Keach) drives a truck (“Just because I drive a truck, doesn’t mean I’m a truck driver”) and wants nothing more than to check into a motel and get some rest. He receives a call over the radio that he is needed to make an emergency delivery of meat to Perth. He reluctantly agrees when offered double time. At a gas station he notices a female hitchhiker the he passed on the road, who was picked up by a man driving a green van. They apparently take the last room at the motel while Quid was talking on his radio and he is forced to sleep in the truck with his dingo. In the morning, Quid notice

The (new!) Karate Kid stars Jackie Chan teaching Jaden Smith what is arguably not karate. Smith takes over for Ralph Macchio in the sunny vistas of China instead of SoCal with almost everything from the original present including the cute girlfriend, the mean thugs, and a slightly aloof teacher. It is a bit troublesome to see young boys punching and kicking like they are in Fight Club but this is a well-done movie with decent performances and a feel-good ending. It would have been better though with something other than the same feel-good ending from over twenty years ago.

Do you want to know why Adam Sandler saw fit to bring the world Grown Ups? I wish I knew for sure but I have an idea. Sandler, coming off of a career high, eh … fifteen years ago, needed a major hit to elevate his Hollywood status. In the midst of co-writing and producing this farce of a motion picture, he saw so many of his former SNL pals out of work so he shoved them into the script but paying close attention to strip out any and all elements of humor from the otherwise moderately talented cast. Do you want to know why I actually watched this piece of shit? So do I. Honestly, I have never seen a movie so consistently unfunny and inept as Grown Ups. Well, not since seeing Stan Helsing that is. At least Helsing had the daintiest of plots. There is no plot here, merely an excuse for Sandler, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Chris Rock to get together, tell unfunny jokes, and laugh at each other. Watching the film, you can tell that the cast members had fun while maki

Also contained within is a quasi-review of Quarantine . For all intents and purposes, I have seen [ REC ] before by way of its almost shot-for-shot and beat-by-beat remake Quarantine which was in production before [REC] was even released. Apparently, the producers used a shooting script for the basis of Quarantine so many of the scenes, reveals, and mayhem all run in conjunction if you were to play the two films at the same time. Having not seen the remake of Psycho , I cannot say how this approach worked before but I would imagine that experience was as bizarre and fraught with deja vu as watching the original film to one I had seen before. Even with it being almost two years since seeing the Americanized-remake, many scenes, shots, and even scares were predictable but still some were not. Largely though, this did not hinder my enjoyment of the film one bit. The film carries with a frenetic, cinéma vérité-style in the same vain as The Blair Witch Project , Cloverfield , and its

Ben Affleck ’s first directing gig turned out pretty well, shocking many critics who had otherwise determined that his fame was fading. When The Town was coming out the question then became “can Affleck do it again or was Gone Baby Gone just a fluke?” Affleck stars as Doug MacRay, the leader of a gang of professional bank robbers in the Boston suburb of Charlestown. Under the charge of Fergie the florist ( Pete Postlethwaite ), MacRay and his team take down banks, armored cars, and anything else with a large sum of money to be had. When friend Jim ( Jeremy Renner ) loses control during a job, beats a man, and takes bank manager Claire ( Rebecca Hall ) hostage, MacRay befriends Claire to see if she knows enough to turn them in. Now having started a relationship with Claire and under constant surveillance and pressure from FBI agent Adam Frawley ( Jon Hamm ), MacRay begins to consider leaving his life of crime behind. The most interesting aspect of most heist movies can also be

You might have noticed the western category is a bit barren. Personally, I don’t have a problem with westerns but I can probably count those that I’ve seen on one hand. When it was announced that the most always dependable Joel and Ethan Coen were gearing up for the remake of True Grit, I was worried that my lack of experience in the genre would detract from my enjoyment of the film. The Coen’s True Grit is reportedly a more faithful adaptation to the Charles Portis novel than the 1969 movie baring the same name. Having not read the novel nor seen the original film (refrain from stoning me until I complete the review, please), I had no idea of whose words, smothered in thick accents and drawls, I was hearing coming from the characters, Portis’ or the Coen’s. It was entertaining nonetheless. The main character Mattie Ross narrates the film telling of the time when she sought a lawman to hunt down her father’s murderer, Tom Chaney. Mattie has gumption beyond her fourteen years as

In the past two decades, once prolific horror director John Carpenter has made only six features, one of which has not seen a proper release here in America. If Carpenter was still making movies as creepy and effective as Halloween or The Thing, this would be bothersome. Village of the Damned typifies Carpenter’s later entries in the genre, notably bland stories, decent-to-awful acting, and very little redeeming qualities. It was a disappointment especially coming off his far superior film the year prior, In the Mouth of Madness. The film takes place in the small California town of Midwich, population 2000 (or so the quaint sign says at the beginning). It is not long however that the population tally starts fluctuating as the entire town is struck by an unexplainable mass black-out for six hours. Shortly after the blackout occurs, all of the women of childbearing age become pregnant, some even without the corresponding act of coitus. This is not only worrisome to the residents but

I think we all get that the fat cat film producers are either plum out of ideas or unwilling to take a chance on anything new. That is the reason we have about a dozen sequels, prequels, sidequels, and whatever else coming out this summer. But who in the hell thinks a remake of Kevin Coster’s The Bodyguard is a good idea? Based on my hazy recollection from fifteen years ago or so the film itself isn’t necessarily bad albeit a little cheesy and overly-romanticized for my tastes. But is this such a high concept that it warrants a remake? Hell, what is to stop Warner Brothers from taking the same concept, casting Usher and Lady GaGa, and calling it Absurdity: The Movie? People complain all the time that recent movies are blatant rip-offs of previous films (most recently The Roommate = SWF). I guess film studios are now going to acknowledge that something is a remake (you know, because any similarities are then intentional). Sadly, I’m sure that this will be a surefire hit just like th

Written by: Digger The problem with basing a movie on something that actually happened is that most people are going to know how it ends. While most movies based on historical wars or other large scale events can get around this by focusing on unknown facets or personal stories of people who played minor roles in the grand scheme of things, how do you put any surprises in the story about one guy who had to amputate his own arm? Interestingly enough, director Danny Boyle found a way. Literally all I knew going in to 127 Hours is that a climber gets trapped by a rock and has to cut off an appendage to escape his eventual death. Strangely, this foreknowledge actually made the anticipation and the emotion of the film’s imminent climax all the more intense, but I’m getting ahead of myself. The film follows the novel ‘Between a Rock and a Hard Place’ written by Aron Ralston, the mountaineer who survived the film’s central event in 2003. So that would make this the third time Ralston ha

Writer/director Adam Rifkin tackled classic OJ elements with The Chase starring Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson . Sheen plays an convicted felon who happens to be innocent and Swanson is his unwilling victim in pursuit by almost every cop in southern California. The majority of the movie takes place inside the car but the growing relationship between the two leads, the television crew with the pursuing officers (including Henry Rollins ), and the pervasive punk-rock music keep things moving nicely. For good measure there is some stinging commentary on the vapidness of the media but a fun ride is in store regardless.

Writer/director Adam Rifkin tackled classic OJ elements with The Chase starring Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson. Sheen plays an convicted felon who happens to be innocent and Swanson is his unwilling victim in pursuit by almost every cop in southern California. The majority of the movie takes place inside the car but the growing relationship between the two leads, the television crew with the pursuing officers (including Henry Rollins), and the pervasive punk-rock music keep things moving nicely. For good measure there is some stinging commentary on the vapidness of the media but a fun ride is in store regardless.

In the genesis of most action movies, I can’t figure developing the plot matters much (other than The Expendables). It seems that most action oriented movies are just big, explosive set pieces tied around a loose narrative fiber holding things together. At least though we have an idea of why our action star is running around jumping onto cars and getting into gunfights whether it is for revenge or to save a life or whatever. Salt makes no pretense that it is an action movie first and foremost, even though that means that we are watching action for the hell of it with no idea of why. The titular character, Evelyn Salt, is a relatively normal CIA agent until one day a Russian defector walks into her office and names Salt as a deep-cover Russian spy. Salt quickly dismisses the notion but her superiors are seemingly convinced after the proclamation by the former Soviet thug with little other evidence against her. Salt runs in an effort to find her husband but then changes course to h

Written by: PBF Bleading Lady (or Star Vehicle, apparently) is the latest film by Ryan Nicholson, of Gutterballs and Hanger “fame.” It arrives on DVD March 29th, courtesy of Breaking Glass Pictures. This film is much less gory and offensive as Hanger and takes a sort of “straight” approach. What results is a rather mixed bag of things. Don Cardini (Dan Ellis) is a movie set driver who transports cast and crew to and from set. He is currently working on a film that stars his favorite scream queen Riversa Red (Sindy Faranguna). Don and the director of the film, Luke (Nathan Durec) do not like each other, mainly because Don is a deidcated horror fan and has a distaste for rip off films, which he believes Luke is making. He especially does not like this as Riversa is in it, and he has a thing for her. When Don learns that Riversa has a bit of a stalker problem, he sort of employs himself as her personal assistant. Don shows Riversa a copy of a script that he wrote, which she likes. L

Written by: PBF ***THIS REVIEW PROBABLY CONTAINS A SPOILER*** Half Moon will arrive on DVD on March 1st via Breaking Glass Pictures. It is writer/director Jason Toler’s take on the werewolf story. There are quite a bit of issues with the film, but it is impressive nonetheless. Rose (award winning adult star Tori Black) is a hooker who like most hookers, is under strict and violent management by a pimp, and needs to make some cash. While working the streets, Rose and her fellow hooker friend Tammi are talking. Tammi tells Rose that tonight is “payday” as one of regulars will call her and he usually pays quite well and normally does not even want to have sex. Tammi asks Rose to hold her purse while she takes a piss, and ends up getting arrested. This happens to occur at the exact time that her regular, Jacob (Marek Matousek) calls her. Rose answers and needing money and knowing Tammi will be unable to make it, pretends that she is Tammi and meets Jacob at his hotel. What starts o