Every generation has its defining movie premiere that lives in the annals of history: The Godfather, Star Wars, Weekend at Bernie's. Yet, #pbf and I were giddy with excitement late on a Thursday night in August 2010. The midnight premiere we were gearing up for: Piranha 3D. Sadly, Dimension Films in all their wisdom denied us a repeat event when Piranha 3DD was shuffled around the release schedule only to end up in a few dozen theaters. Dumbasses.
With the closest theater about two hours from Movie Scum HQ, I wasn't that dedicated to waste precious fossil fuel to see it properly. But fortunately with a same day VOD release, I was able to experience the boobs and gore and David Hasselhoff cameo with no wait. I'm glad I did. In fact, I think I might be a better person because of Piranha 3DD.
After a brief recap of the first film, we meet the Chet (David Koechner) and Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), proprietors of an Arizona waterpark aptly named The Big Wet. While Maddy is off at marine biology graduate school, her stepfather Chet has taken the family business and amped up the rauchiness to attract business. Lifeguards are replaced by "water certified hookers," a new addition is the "adult pool" complete with a camera designed to expose genitalia when patrons leave the pool, and Chet proudly proclaims in a TV ad "Double D's swim free!" Yep, that's just about the amount of hedonist sexuality I was expecting.
Unsurprisingly, Maddy is not happy with the new direction of the water park. But she has bigger fish to fry after she and friend Shelby (Katrina Bowden) are attacked by a fluffy swarm of piranha. And then the piranha crash the opening day of the park. That's probably not good for repeat business. But it's great for slow motion breast bouncing, missing appendages, and even a kick-ass reemergence from the legless Ving Rhames who, unsurprisingly, isn't a fan of the man-eating fish.
As #pbf remarked in his review for the remake, there are certain things one must understand to be absolute in order to enjoy a film like this. Thin story? Poor character development? Questionable acting? These things all exist, not to point out the deficiencies in the story but mostly to enhance the movie. Do I really care why Shelby is practicing abstinence or why Barry (Matt Bush) never learned to swim? Nope. Not at all and neither should you. We are blessed with a few early attacks (one involving pink fuzzy handcuffs) and even another Christopher Lloyd appearance! What else do you need from a film?
The writers including Saw experts Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunston harken back to their feature film debut Feast with a quite zany and over-the-top feel throughout the movie. Starting with the opening featuring Gary Busey yelling things like "Holy flying baby shit" and setting cow methane on fire, to the extreme aversion to including proper clothing for anyone but the few leads of the film, 3DD is like a horror fanatic teenage boy's dream.
Director John Gulager shows that Feast was not just a fluke (although we'll leave out the sequels for arguments' sake) with a strong showing here. The film was pretty brief (probably 70 minutes without credits) but has a nice pace without leaving holes in the story and even some decent character moments here and there. I am somewhat saddened that I wasn't able to see this theatrically because the 3D effects (of which I typically despise) looked pretty decent although somewhat silly in keeping the rest of the film's tone. I'd like to think that Shelby's projectile vomiting was a 3D effect as well.
I'm quite sure there are dozens and dozens of negative reviews but this is of course not a film for everyone. If you're cool with gore, some tastless nudity, and a darkly flippant tone, you'll dig 3DD.
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