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Reduce, Reuse, Remake!

It's no secret that Hollywood producers are scared to death of original ideas. One just has to look at the past decade of films to see that most big budget movies released in theaters are adaptations of existing stories (novels, short stories, and most recently, comic books) or sequels of successful and some not-so successful films. (seriously, Jumper 2?) But now, we are living in the age of the remake, and it pisses me off to no end. Why adapt or continue a good story when you can just take a preexisting movie and re-shoot it? There's already a built-in audience that loves the property, and that audience doesn't have to be worried about coping with new ideas or unexpected plot twists. Just look at the release line-up for 2010 and 2011. It's packed full of “new” movies that are remakes of classics, remakes of foreign films, and, most absurdly, remakes of remakes.

I'll forgive that some older movies like Fritz Lang's Metropolis from 1927 might benefit from a modern retelling. Even some not-so-old movies like Flash Gordon from 1980 could look good with a current generation face-lift, maybe. But almost all of these upcoming remakes just make my blood boil.

Horror movies seem to have some kind of remake bull's eye on them. George A. Romero's The Crazies and Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street both have remakes slated to hit theaters early this year, and John Carpenter is next on the chopping block, with The Thing and They Live scheduled for updated bastardizations in 2011. Come on, guys, The Thing IS a remake. I think the world will be just fine without that CG abomination. Even worse than that is Hollywood's apparent need to make English speaking versions of perfectly great foreign films, specifically The Orphanage and Let the Right One In, that were released just TWO YEARS AGO! And this is just the baby-toe of the hideously rehashed cinematic iceberg that's in store for us in the near future. The Blob, Poltergeist, Logan's Run, Short Circuit, Sunset Boulevard, Suspiria, Highlander, The Karate Kid, Footloose, An American Werewolf in London, Billy Jack, Red Dawn, Total Recall, Hard Boiled, Akira, Scanners, Barbarella, Revenge of the Nerds, The Fly, The Host, Dune, Sharky's Machine, Rosemary's Baby... Do you think that's enough?!

The worst, by far, is a movie scheduled for release this year called The King of Kong. If you can believe this, it's a scripted remake of a documentary that came out in 2007 about two men fighting for the Donkey Kong high score world record. I own the documentary on DVD, and it is awesome, but this remaking a documentary idea is just surreal. What does anyone hope to accomplish by remaking a documentary?

Comments

  1. Karate Kid just blows my mind. Lets ignore the fact that its essentially Will Smith allowing his son to act out a fantasy, and focus on the fact that there is no karate in the movie. It takes place in CHINA and he learns Kung-Fu! Call it Kung-Fu Kid thats still close enough for people to make the already tenous connection.

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